"Scooby-Dooby-Doo!"

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Something happened for the very first time during last night's Gossip Girl: I got confused.

You too probably noticed (especially if you read my "Wrath of Con" recap) that the tent poles holding up this plot are actually tangled pieces of sparkly twine held together with our collective suspension of disbelief. But about half way through the episode, I grew tired of interrogating this Ponzi scheme nonsense (and how ready I am for Blair and Chuck to just make it work already). Instead, I decided to just give in to the silliness of it all... which led me, of course, to the old days of Saturday morning cartoons, and a fun new theory:

The Gossip Girl gang is the new Scooby gang.

Don't believe me? We had all the essentials last night: intrigue, backstabbing, mystery, an evil genius, a fall man... and even disguises! Here's what happened:

Via a foolproof pregnancy ruse, Serena and the gang discovered that it wasn't Gabriel, but actually Poppy Lifton was behind the theft of the century, and they plotted to catch her in the act using Georgina Sparks, who disguised herself as an oil heiress interested in investing with the Lifton Fund for Third World Wireless. But they were thwarted by a shocking twist, so the whole plan backfired: Dan lost his Yale money, Georgina lost all her Bible money, Serena's in jail, and Nate and Blair are going to Prom together. All the money is gone, and the crook is still on the loose!

And the more I thought about my theory, the more it made more sense than anything that actually happened during "The Wrath of Con."

So who's who in our Scooby Gang?

Blair is Velma. She's the sharp-tongued leader of the gang, and the resident genius in uncovering clues. Like Velma, Blair has a penchant for maryjanes, sweater sets, and bossing people around. But don't let her goody-two-shoes facade fool you: beneath the power glasses (headband), there's a temptress who's not afraid to go after what she wants, though she's sometimes too near-sighted to know what (or who) that is, exactly.

Serena is Daphne. Most memorable for her hair and fashion sense, Daphne is also known for being vain and always finding a way to get herself into trouble. The stereotypical "damsel in distress," she in less intelligent and more flirtatious than Velma, and essentially incapable of escaping risky situations--most of which she created herself. Prone to too-short skirts.

Chuck is Fred. The smarter and bossier of the two males in the gang. Along with Velma, he's a leader, and can often be seen constructing elaborate traps for villains. A womanizer and lifelong ascot wearer, with a playful wink Fred has been known to ask the female gang members if they want to go "investigate" dark corners alone with him.

Nate is Shaggy. A cowardly stoner slacker with shaggy hair in his eyes all the time who is more interested in eating and hanging out than in solving mysteries. When he does come along, he's clueless and unhelpful. Treats Scooby like a normal person, when everyone else knows he is not.

Dan is Scooby Doo. Due to his differing species and intellectual impediments, he is more a pet than an actual friend of the gang. Scooby is also clueless and decidedly unhelpful--in fact, more often than not, he just makes things worse. Talks a lot, but most people can't understand what he's saying. Easily manipulated. Likely castrated.

Zoinks! Can the gang stop Old Mrs. Lifton from the haunted amusement park before she skips town with all the money and disappears forever? With the aid of a helpful witch named Georgina, the forecast is bright that we will soon be hearing those famous words (Gossip Girl style, of course): "And I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!" Unless Dan screws it up. Which could totally happen.

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