Showing posts with label anti-vanessa. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anti-vanessa. Show all posts

Friday, May 22, 2009

general UPDATE

We've collected a few wankings and Inca will take great delight in posting some of the few left because it's like finding water in the desert these days.

Also, the Vanessa petition has officially reached 533 signatures and we printed 4 copies of it. We UPS overnighted it to CBS, Warners, CW & Entertainment Weekly. We also emailed the link to all of the above. So that's done, thank you so much for all those of you who participated. Like we've stated before, we're not under the delusion that this will remove the character from the show, though according to the Poll that Spoiler TV is running the majority of people dislike the character, but it's more to make the writers be aware (if they're not already) that the direction they continue taking her character is pissing their audience off. So that's that.

On other news:



This shit is apparently still flopping on a dock somewhere in North America. I would probably not be so unhappy with the entire concept had they used ANOTHER episode other than Prom to shove this in but you know, that's done and over with and no matter how much I dislike it, it happened.

The last of the Fanfiction Showdown polls will go up tonight and that will conclude our Fanfiction Showdown. The polls will be open until Sunday, May 24th at 8pm est. So get to reading so you can make an educated decision! ;)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

i see POINTLESS people




POP-UP-VANESSA: A person of questionable principles and purpose who randomly materializes themselves in situation, plots, parties and beds of people she/he should have nothing to do with. This person's point or purpose is as murky as a polluted lake yet they continue in the box as we anxiously wait around to see when she/he will POP UP and scare the living shit out of us. Such people should be treated with caution, feared and above all NEVER TURN YOUR BACK TO THEM. This term can also refer to sudden random behavior that has nothing to do with the normal flow of things and can be considered as a forced attrition that is far from the commonly accepted behavior.

Try using 'pop-up-Vanessa' in a sentence today.

President Bush's 'pop-up-Vanessa' bouts of intelligent statements baffled the media today during the pro-War press conference.

His emotions are such pop-up-Vanessas that it often left Daniela wondering if his feelings were true or not a concocted scheme to get her in bed.

Despite the group succinctly emphasizing their indifference to her presence, Megan continued her pop-up-Vanessa behavior when she showed her face at the beach party.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

shut up and LISTEN



I have been beaming at all the Vanessa jokes cracked by the media so I have decided to collect them - with some help from some of you because Vanessa jokes along with Nate jokes are the BEST. EVER!

Pre-graduation, Videotaping Vanessa walks up to Nepotism Nate (who's chatting up his gramps), and they catch up in a friendly way--he's starting his internship soon, his grandfather and mother are on speaking terms again, he and Blair broke up, and he apologizes for how horribly he handled things with V. Since nothing is ever new with Vanessa and Nate really was a douche recently, she thanks him for all that stuff forever ago that guided her toward NYU, and Nate then invites V and D to his post-graduation party.
BUDDY TV!!!!
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Of course, Nate went straight back to Vanessa after Blair dumping him. Some men just need a woman, and Man Bangs is one of them. Remember when he was sleeping in a sleeping bag in his basement? Mmm-hmm. Plus 2.

And of course, Vanessa would take him back, because, please: Brooklyn girl's facing down an army of Aaron Roses out there. Naturally she's going to want to rise through the golden wave of those bangs to another, better place. Plus 1.
Intel
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Vanessa and Nate are going backpacking through Europe, after all! Wow, this show is really determined to keep Vanessa around. (:D)Not only is she going to NYU, too – does slinging coffee pay well enough to afford that kind of tuition? – but now she’s Nate’s vacation buddy again. With benefits, we assume. Could the show have found a lamer way to get Nate out of his internship at the mayor’s office? The deputy mayor hit on him so he quit? Good grief. A sloppy way to reunite him and Vanessa, and a sloppy way for him to prove that he’s not a man-whore, dammit!
LoHud
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Oh, and Nate finally joins Vanessa on that goddamn trip around the world just to shut her up. Do we know where Vanessa's going to college? Do we care? And when is her batshit sister showing up?
Jacob whom we are still mad at, you sympathist
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The Real Round table:

Vanessa going to NYU came out of nowhere, though I guess they had to keep her around somehow.

Vanessa: She who magically appears without explanation.

Nate: Spend less time man whoring and more time working on facial expressions.

Season 3: Vanessa will perfect her iced mocha latte technique. Vanessa will never return from her camping trip (hey, we can all dream).
---
And... um... Vanessa...? Wait. Why do you keep showing up to random places that you don't belong? Why are you here?

Why is Vanessa ever anywhere? (LIKE IN FUCKING DOVE COMMERCIALS??)
Gawker <3
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What about Nate--now that he and Blair broke up, what is keeping him from holing up at Columbia and never reemerging? Oh yeah, Vanessa. If she counts as a reason (survey says no).
Aftergasm - Buddy TV
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You see? I didn't even have to say a word. Just copy/paste. :D

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

that person in the BACK row





So apparently Vanessa continues on the show. Mind you, she has no lines. Most likely no purpose. But she's there. You all would be proud. I didn't get violent. I just ignored her and pretended she was an extra. Which, in this scene, she is.

Now, I'm just excited to see Cyrus and Eleanor, they totally own Rufly and their... issues. I have some things on my wishlist. One of them is a Chair and Cyrus/Eleanor sit down diner. The hilarity would just awe me. Can you see it?

Eleanor: So... Charles?
Chuck: Mrs. Rose?
(Blair wide-eyed)
(Cyrus amused)
Eleanor: not going to college, I see?
Chuck: no.
Cyrus: oh he's a fine strong boy, my dear, he's doing quite well for himself

Friday, May 8, 2009

ask YOURSELF one question



Really... the madness continues? You all are SOOOO good to me, you know I love making fun of your everlasting stupidity! It's the perfect way to end the work week and it just makes me jubilant and excited! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING STUPID FUCKING SHIT AND GOD BLESS YA!

On to the Kool-Aid!

"pfff this topic is getting more and more ridiculous!! A) I don't understand why not can be a Chair fan a Nair fan or a Vuck fan or any other couple fan too??? Or why not can be a Derena fan a Serenate fan too??? Personally I love Serenate and Vuck , and B) I used to really like Chair too( I just think they should be just a part of the GG, not a longtime couple) but everyone's rooting for them..well almost..most people are...and I'd really like to love them again but C) I just loath their fans! And I'm not hypocrite I just hate that their fans are so rude and obsessed with them, and it's so annoying! I mean you don't care with any other couple but Chair and in every topic you try to humiliate the other couple( especially Nair ) and characters ( Vanessa )....D) it's disgusting and childish! I love Chuck! But yes E) I hate that his fans vehemently deny he's inherently a bad person (not to mention and scheming, which is why I think him and Blair don't work (or just for about 2 minutes and then they'll get boring or annoying) , since they're so similar, even though Blair's got a good heart and is my favourite) but I think he works well as a villain and a womanizer. Anything else just sucks. And I really hate when Chuck trys to be good or be a Romeo or sg like that, because it's not him at all and it makes him miserable and unsexy."

ME: Ok, so let me take this one in parts because we can break it down as such since there's such a ranting argument going on here and I can't wait to get my fingers in it :D

A) Because we here at the Kool-Aid LOATHE multi-shippers. That's all. We see it as a very Nate-like trait were you're just like 'whatever works, I dont care' and us being the passionate individuals that we are dont approve.


B) Please dont tell me you enjoyed Chair and expect me to believe it. How long did you like them for? Three episodes? I'm thinking no more than five - I think you just need something to believe in; no couple has captivated you beyond words hence why you're bouncing around here like a Cat in a Hat.


C) It almost seems like what made her 'loose' her love for Chair was the fans which makes no sense because you should love the couple for what they are, what they've been through and what they will become rather than the fans. I mean, are you shipping fans here or a show? We can almost call it a type of reverse peer-pressure or some sort of rage against the machine.


D) And disliking a couple because of the fans is not childish and immature?


E) I dont know which Chuck-fans you've been talking to but we have never denied that Chuck is bad. We LOVE him naughty; Blair LOVES him naughty. Why else would she had added her line in her love confession about 'darkest thoughts'? Now, Chuck is changing, I know it may be hard for you to comprehend but this is called Character Development. This is when characters CHANGE from their original selves and GROW UP. Hence dropping things like his womanizing ways once he's with Blair and why he is having such inner turmoil with everything because he's attempting to resist the change. I know, it's hard. Very few characters in GG have actually done it so I can see how you'll be confused. Here, have a drink.

BONUS: OH. And we've earned EVERY RIGHT to bash the character of Vanessa because we have put together a cohesive argument as to why she's useless and annoying. So I will bash all I like. As far as bashing Nair? Baby, the show bashes Nair itself or have you not watched the last episode? It's a running joke.


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Actually I love love love BN. look at them, they are gorgeous together, better millions times of Chuck and Blair, even their photos.this is my belif. you know I feel the writers are trying to please soome fans calling for CB to be together so they should make BN miserable and to break up and keep breaking up again and again, instead of teaching us how to fix our mistakes. Is this life ?? I don't blame Leighton when she said I fear for young ladies and asked them not to do like what they do in the show...haha Besides, when I've read that writers want to see fans' reactions, I realize that they are not writing what they believe or having aims to show but what the major fans ask!!! again I'm not sure but that's what I've read many times and laughted at !!!

ME: So from what I can gather the reason NB should stay together is because they're 'gorgeous' together and therefore they should be fixed. Right? Hence I can laugh at her, right? I mean, it's ok, right? Please, people. Have you no concept of storyline creations, character consistency, relationship development? I'm SO tired of going over and over this.

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I don't want to turn you and congratulate him for ruining her relationship with N" if she doesn't care about N why should she be upset.....and more things ... that I can say N loves B.. and don't forget this season at least he is trying to fight to make C away from his and I don't blame him since C may do sth like before... so even if he trusted B, he couldn't trust C, because these was an incident before...and also do you think that a person can kiss someone who doesn't love ??? (LMAO!!!!!!!! Little girl, please!) even his relationship with other girls is not like with B (but he kissed them so he must love them). I don't see that B loves C, but C loves B : even when she said " I love you " she said it because he is in a bad situation and about to leave without anybody there for him, so there wasn't anybody there except his friends..and coz he kept asking her to say that before so if she can say it he may change his mind instead of leaving, and I can do that out of friendship . If you count how many kissing scenes for B, from s1 and s2, you'll find that B kissed N more than C.

ME: ... I'm just bolding parts because this is just too ridiculous to counter it. I have some dignity, you know. Oh man, that was def. the laugh of the day, she takes the daily Kool-Aid award!

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Blair looks happy with Nate..but happier when she's with Chuck....Nate is so nice to her & really love her..but chuck is kinda mean with a deep love (??) ....I think she looks happy with both...but more sparks & drama with chuck!!

ME: Has she met the viewing age standard for this show? Where are her parents??? What's going on here?

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Okay, This may sound crazy. But I have been thinking that Serena was just a way for Blair to meet Dan. Think about it. Blair would never be caught dead in brooklyn. (Other than to sabotage someone.) She would never pay attention to someone like Dan at school because she would see no designer labels and completely look through him. With Serena dating Dan, Blair had no choice but to acknowledge him. Serena and Dan can't get back together because their whole relationship now is teeming with incest. I know not fully, but it's still pretty messed up. Plus, why would the writers put Lily and Rufus together again after all the shit they have been through just to tear them apart again? Lufus deserves to be together before Derena. Sorry Derena fans. So Derena is dead and gone. Plus, they work better as a brother/sister relationship. Blair still sees Dan because of Serena. He has now been on her radar for a while. It would only be a matter of time. The writers know that these two would never meet on their own, so they need someone that would force them to see eachother. Cue Serena.

ME: WHAT IN THE FUCKING KOOL-AID COLORED HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, WOMAN? Cue stupidity!

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Or if they must make her (Blair) with a guy, I prefer N, because when you watch you feel they are natural, cute and clean, NOT dirty like CB, sorry to say that but this is in my mind along time ago. I'm always shocked when I see people writing SEXY of CB , actually they are NOT.Maybe coz CB fans are blinded by them, who knows. Again ugh I don't like C.

ME: So apparently Chair is dirty. I think she means dirty in a Christina Aguilera type of a way which to us, who have actually had hot dirty sex that felt fucking fantastic and satisfying, can take it as a compliment. Chuck and Blair would too. While Nair go years and years missionary and keep it clean. Hell, they may even get separate twin beds like the Ricardos. And baby? I think as you continue your life A LOT of shit is going to shock you.

Thank you, I'll be here all week!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

in the face of TRUE LOVE




NEWSBREAK: FANDOM SOCIALITES COWGIRL AND GOSSIP GUY HAVE FORMALLY ANNOUNCED THEIR ENGAGEMENT EARLY THIS MORNING. THE TWO HAVE BEEN SHARING A SECRET AND EXTREMELY SCANDALOUS AFFAIR FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS AND HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO INFORM THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ABOUT THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT.

Serious, how can we NOT want to marry him? The things that he says are swoon worthy and so darling that I'm ready to be one of those crazy bitches that buys her wedding dress before she finds the damn groom. Only I have found him so it's totally OK to buy a dress, right GG?

Let us take a moment and look back in time to the moments we just knew it was meant to be.

5. How will Chuck react to seeing Nate and Blair at the prom?
Gossip Guy: Probably with a couple of classic Chuck brooding stares, but Gossip Girl spoilers suggest he won't take any action. You're killing me Chuck.

1. What was your favorite Gossip Girl quote from the episode?
Gossip Guy: It may be the Chair fan in me, but I got all giddy through the whole scene where Chuck and Blair met up while she was spying. We'll give the best quote to Chuck Bass for noticing the beret and immediately asking who she's spying on.

3. Harder to believe: The distance between NYU and Columbia constituting a long-distance relationship, Lily and friends forking over cash in minutes in this economy, or any scene involving Vanessa?
Gossip Guy: Phew. I thought I was going to have to think about this and then you gave me the easy out. Definitely the useless Vanessa. Did we really need her pointless "I Never" scene? Ooh, she made the big reveal about Rufus not having enough money to send Dan to school. Big whoop. He knew that, retard. Did you not hear about his catering job?

5. Should Blair move in with Nate?
Gossip Guy: No way! Blair held Chuck's hand while they slept in the limo and that was way hotter than all her moments with Nate combined.

5. Will Chuck and Vanessa hook up again?
Gossip Guy: Excuse me, I had to just swallow the vomit that almost came up.

3. Do you feel bad for Vanessa?
Gossip Guy: Seriously? Next question.

4. Should Chuck have done as requested when Blair said "take me now," or did he handle the situation correctly?
Gossip Guy: Chuck, I admire that you were trying to do the right thing but you are a better man than I. Idiot.

2. Nate and Vanessa: Kind of cute, totally useless or both?
Gossip Guy: Totally useless. Personally I thought Nate was being cute with the little joke of sending the mask, but I think when you send it to Vanessa all humor and cuteness instantly convert to uselessness.

2. Can Derena's romance survive the love child twist?
Gossip Guy: You kidding me? Their love can't survive a little murder, their parents being former lovers, or a gust of wind. How are they possibly supposed to survive sharing a half-brother?

Saturday, April 25, 2009

never have I ever HATED you





So apparently this bitch is still on the show. Dont worry, we're still working on it.

Now, we've stated it before that we are under the belief that if they keep her on the show next season they will be moving into the Danessa territory. Not because their chemistry is off the charts or anything but because she's got no where else to go. NV fell flat, CV was a bad joke, so unless they make her a lesbian, which IMO it's the best route, they will be hitting the Danessa camp.

If Serenate does go under fruition it'll only be a matter of time until both Brooklyn-judgies go at it. And no, I dont care what she has to say about Chuck. In my universe it didn't happen and if this is going to be her cameo in the episode then fine. Half of the characters already know they went at it so let us just move to the important things like Nathaniel even thinking that Blair would enjoy the subway. Honestly... I sense the entire purpose of this episode is to CONTINUE showing how wrong Nair is for one another. It's interesting how the writers are under the belief that it would take 4 episodes for us to see that. You either see it or you dont. You're either on the Kool-Aid or you're not. It's just that simple.

So yeah. Danessa. Give us a moment while we muster us enough energy to care.

the bitch in the lewinsky DRESS



We need to ask a humble and honest question here. Have we ever, in the one-month history of this blog, ever held ANYTHING but disdain and disgust for Lady Dreadlocks? HAVE WE? I mean, you all got the fucking memo, didn't you? You all KNOW this, right? You all know that this is not a JessicaZzzzz fansite at all, right? RIGHT? I thought so. I fucking thought so. I mean, we're mounting a PETITION to get her off my screen. I don't know how clearer that can be. So imagine us fucking SURPRISED when we get contacted by the marketing company that is coordinating The CW and Dove campaign featuring our lady friend here asking to us to PARTICIPATE in this most appalling act of Satan. I mean... we made a post about it. We warned you all, didn't we? Yes, we fucking did! We SAVED most of you from having to iron plastic hair for the rest of your lives! I mean, this is no fucking secret.

So we get contacted, asking us to participate in the promotion of this and what not. Now, we've never claimed to be anything other than BITCHES. Yes, this is what we are. WE are the crazy bitches around here and you either fucking love us or fucking hate us. That's quite alright. We happen to fucking love ourselves and pride ourselves in being Kool-Aid free. On that note. This was our response to the request received:

Hello, xxmarketingpersonxx!

So listen, I know you’re not to blame because it's not you who chose to do this but we have to say that we’re VERY surprised at receiving this. If you’ve read ANY of our posts in our website you would know that we are on a mission to have Jessica Szohr’s character, Vanessa, REMOVED from the show.

We have already encouraged our readers to discontinue the use of DOVE products IMMEDIATELY as we are VERY concerned that they will begin resembling Ms. Szohr’s appearance. We are also amounting a petition signed by the fans requesting the writers of the show to write Vanessa's character off.

Oh and Jessica is not the star of the show. She’s lucky if she gets one line and a facial expression an episode. If not that, then she has to screw the male star in order to ride him on screen with no sense of purpose to the plot. So she, in actuality, is the bane of our existence. Her character has ruined half our storylines and the fandom, at large, HATES her. And not in a good way. Compile this and the producers incessant need to shove her in our faces, like this DOVE campaign is doing, doesn't help.

So if you’re suggesting something to your client it would be that not only do they contract someone who doesn’t wear cheap Tahitian weaves for a living but someone who we actually like and inspire to look like. This is cannot be the face of DOVE. It’s insulting. I’m appalled for a brand I used to respect and now I have no choice but to search for a new deodorant. I heard Secret was awesome.

I would also like to volunteer my complimentary bottle of soap to the actual actresses since she often has nothing to bathe with before she appears on the red carpet. I hand it over. It’ll be a tax deductible.

But thank you for your time. I’ll be more than happy to pass your message along to our readers!


xoxo, The Kool-Aid Girls


p.s. – also, if you also secretly hate her too you’re welcomed to sign the petition – we won’t tell anyone!

http://www.petitiononline.com/nomorev/petition.html



Let it not be said that KAG sold its soul for the money. We mean EVERYTHING we say and we mean it with conviction. Not because it started out this way but because the same show we're so very hard on it's the same show that inspired us to believe in this great story. That, like Chuck in S1, we will be persistent. We have our eye on the prize and that is a damn good story. Vanessa? She gets in our fucking way and JS plays her. Plus we hate her. It's just that simple, no ulterior motive. I'm not hiding behind anything other than my pure dislike for her.

Now. If up until this point you didn't really believe we were THAT bad I do hope this served to change your mind. PEACE OUT. And switch to SECRET.

Friday, April 24, 2009

i'll even wear it to SLEEP!



Ok. Where the FUCK can I get one??

You guys just can't send me these pictures, TEMPTING me and then I have no link to buy one!! This is just very RUDE of you all!

Monday, April 20, 2009

dont you wish your fandom had a BITCH like me?



GUESS WHO'S BACK??????

It's Inca, bitch! Inca is back and you know you motherfucking missed me! God it feels good to post again, I've missed it like I miss Blair with blood circulation! So what do I have for you all? I have a lot of motherfucking shit. Trust me, after two days surrounded by family I'm bitchier than ever so WATCH OUT!

Ok. You know what I'm addressing, dont you? That's right! WANKINGS! I love the wankings, man! And OMFG, I'm gone for two days and we're at 442!!!! YES!! You all are awesome, spreading the news!

So we have a new episode tonight and half the fandom's read about it and seen the important parts ;) There's mixed reviews, people see some good things with it others dont. I dont fucking care I just want to wank stupidity, that's what I'm here for. I fucking LOVE stupidity. Here we go!

Even though the epi sounds lame, I'm glad there is lots of NB screen time and minimal chuck, the way I see it, this show is crap no matter what. I might as well just watch it muted and absorb the pretty.

ME: heh. I dont know how to respond to this particular brand of shit. I mean... she's watching it on MUTE and will absorb the PRETTY. Like... I can't even BEGIN to tell you how lame that is. I mean... you can't handle the words coming out of their mouths? You can't handle Blair running around frazzled and attempting to manipulate Nate AGAIN behind his back? Really? Really? Yeah, us either. Come here, bitch let me give you a hug. There's hope for you still.

-------

Still can't believe the awesome NB we got, so many scenes!


ME: I dont think she gets it. Like it went right OVER her head, broke through the wall behind her and is currently running down the street. Let us all wave goodbye to THE point.

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yah, Im excited about that, even though the show is crap this season and crummily written I support NB scenes, even if they arent up the potential they can be. That goes for any ship on this show at this point, its like everything is a continuous merry go round, PATHETIC

ME: .... You think? You fucking THINK? What do you think we've been saying ALL along? You think I type here for my health? I think this one might've switched from grape flavored Kool-Aid to cherry flavored Kool-Aid. It's a nice progression.

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I used to be a HUGE chair fan, and I will admit, the fandom drove me away, awhile into the second season, I become a huge fan of both Blake and Jessica, and only then did it hit me that the majority of the hate towards both of them came from chair fans, and when it came out that Jessica was dating Ed, bleugh, the way things C/B fans called her and said about her made me LOATHE the fandom, I stopped watching GG altogether for awhile too, but then I found Bleighton_Squee and I love it there, the community is hilarious without the undertone of malice that sites like GGkoolaid have.

ME: Look, if the fandom is what fucking drove you AWAY from your ship then I dont even think you can handle fandom like the OTH one - those fuckers are out of control. I dont hate Blake so you can count me off the list. That's got to be a point in my motherfucking favor, no? :D Dont worry, we stopped watching TV too for a while there so look all the things we have in common!! And we're TOTALLY malicious, baby, we dont even try to keep it down. It's ALL very clear. We fucking hate her like everyone does and is afraid of saying it. We agree on so many things we should make-out! Bleachers at seven? Seven-thirty? You name the time and I'll be there. Bring a friend.

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Y'know why? Because *SOME* of us have the abilty to tell the diffrence between a fictional charactor and a real life actress, who just happens to be bubbly,sweet and gorgeouse, not that any of you haters would know, since you all just decided to hate her without giving her a chance.

ME: You see, this is what I say about the fuckers who LOVED CV because of EJ's real life 'chemistry'. If they can say that then I can fucking hate her. And I HAVE given her PLENTY of motherfucking chances. When I say she can't fucking act it's a fucking fact. And that's that. NEXT!

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on the DVD cover
I wish Elle was on the cover though. Can you imagine how hot this would be if Chuck were flanked by his two love interests (Elle and Vanessa)? Nate and Blair should be next to each other too. Major oversight. Nate and Blair are the most popular pairing on television in the last 5 years. I would have thought the CW would have been smart enough to take advantage of that. Guess I gave them too much credit.

ME: ... someone pass her some Kool-Aid, she didn't get her required daily dose. Like I've said. You can't make this shit up. You just CANT.

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NB'er - I'm debating on watching the NC scene bc watching chuck throw a pity party full of hypocrisy might make me hurl

CB'er - Hypocrisy is the act of professing beliefs that are contrary to one's actual behavior.
Chuck telling Nate that Blair has changed because she chose Nate is not in any way hypocritical. Nate telling Vanessa off because she is like Blair Waldorf and then proceeding to date Blair himself is, in fact, hypocritical.

ME: PASS THE HOBOCORN!!! God, this was good, like watching a lifetime motherfucking movie or something! I wanted there to be like hair pulling or something, maybe some nails involved. You know I've decided to make a formal announcement.

For the finale, we here at the Kool-Aid, will be providing corners. Yes, corners. Corners so that all you stupid fucks who lived in denial through this entire time can go there and CRY. WE will bring the corners, you bring the motherfucking tears.


How you like them wankings? I think I've still got 'it'. And fuck! I wanted to do the Confused Faces of Nathaniel Archibald post! Cowgirl! Wait... what am I saying? There's PLENTY of material for a round 2!!!!

Friday, April 17, 2009

they didn't clean their PIPES



There is a reason we're so very enamoured with Alice and her words right now. It's her magic with statements. On that line of view, can I say HELL VUCKING YEAH?? 400!!!!!

We kinda feel bad for Korbi, she totally got creamed with statements from fans. Here is another cream-worthy statement from our very own Alice:

Korbi, I just want to reiterate everybody's thank you's. There is just a lot of frustration going around at the moment, not just limited to Blair and Chuck fans. I personally am more aggrieved at the general narrative inconsistencies and character assassination that has been going on since episode 17.

Vanessa Abrams is the worst casualty of all and it is her character which I will address in this post. Having seemingly toiled to make an insufferable prig of a character somewhat tolerable, if not likable, current writing has not only rendered her progress void, but has actually made her even more repellent to even more people! Placing her between arguably two of the show’s most beloved characters who are in the midst of a love story which has been painstakingly developed over the course of two seasons, makes absolutely no sense. If this is a means to entwine her more securely in the world of Gossip Girl, the writers have failed. She is more of a cankerous interloper than ever before. If this is supposed to develop her character, not only have the writers failed, they have achieved the opposite. She is more of a hypocrite than anyone could have imagined and about as attached to her strongly-professed sense of morality as Blair is to wearing off-the-rack.

If this is purely a means of exploiting Jessica Szohr’s relationship with Ed Westwick, they have merely capitalised on something which should be private and should not be winked at at the expense of the fictional world which they inhabit. Which is, by the way writers, a separate entity. If they wished to explore their ‘chemistry’ (though I am loathe to apply the word to what is in this case real life seeping through the celluloid, not the alchemy of a great acting partnership) without it being detrimental to the story it interrupts, they have failed. Chuck’s dalliance with Vanessa, above all people, cheapens his love for Blair. Who cares if there is sexual tension to be had with the entire population of New York City when the entire point of this season for Chuck has been discovering whether he is capable of love; whether he will ever believe he is worthy of it. Having him sleep with Vanessa does a huge disservice to the story that they have been telling.

In short, I am utterly bemused as to the writers' intentions. I think it might be too late to redeem Vanessa, as she has never been anything more than a cypher anyway. I just hope the writers' disease can be contained before the characters most of us actually care deeply about are contaminated.

VUCKING YEAH! (I LOVE that, Cowgirl, it equates to the 4-Minute Nair! It's like I'm cursing :D) Now... one last wank because you know I vucking love wanking this vucking show! ;)

Despite all the haters, I actually pretty much like Vanessa. Surely (no questions on that) I prefer 100 % Chuck & Blair but probably affected by the real-life relationship of actors Ed Westwick (Chuck Bass) and Jessica Szhor (Vanessa Abrams), I like this couple too. I find them really cute and passionate in a way when they are together in a scene.

ME: I'M A HATER!!! ;) Now, I find it ironic that the same people that state we shouldn't hate Lady Dreadlocks because she's with Ed because we should separate the characters from the RL are the same ones that have let that same thing affect their... 'appreciation' of Chuhobo. I dont know about you but that almost seems as contradictory as the Nairers, dont you all think? I think it's the Kool-Aid, poor vuckers can't vucking see straight.

Monday, April 13, 2009

new show name: COFFEE GURL. PLAYAH.



NEWSBREAK: CITY OFFICIALS HAVE RELEASED A STATEMENT FOR THE GENERAL PUBLIC TO BE AWARE OF THE CURRENT DANGER THREATENING THE FANDOM. A LOOSE CRAZY FAN CONTINUES HER RAMPAGE, NO ONE IS SAFE MOST ESPECIALLY BLAIR WALDORF WHO IS IN SERIOUS, SERIOUS, SERIOUS DANGER OF BEING WRITTEN OFF FROM HER OWN TV SHOW. THE ADVANTAGE OF SAID ACTION WILL OPEN THE DOORS FOR VANESSA TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO SHINE AND TAKE OVER THE SHOW AS MANY HAVE WANTED. WE WILL KEEP YOU POSTED WITH FURTHER DETAILS AS THIS STORY CONTINUES TO DEVELOP.

"okay WHAT THE FUCK get a life much? I declare a petition and some shitbags named Koolaid make fun about it? You wont be laughing when i post the petition because blair is 10xxx annoying than lady V. She is rotten spoiled conceited immature heck SHE is the hypocrete herself! she can do shit to other people but it can never hit on her flat white girl butt. i dont even see how people like her, if anything vanessa is much more relating to the bulk of the fandom and reality because she is middle class and independent, not always doing shit with benjamens and honest abes she MAKES her honest abes so V keep on pouring that coffee in our cups and strenghtening your artistic career for there ARE real fans out there who admire your presence and enough with the mary sue shit if anything serena is the ultimate mary sue i need not have to explain that shit its so clear as night and day you want a petition? just watch me, ignorant fucktards."

UPDATE ON THE NEWSBREAK: OFFICIALS ARE PLEASED TO SAY THAT THE WILD FAN HAS TURNED THEMSELVES IN AND LEFT US WITH THIS STATEMENT:

you know i thought about it and only losers tend to waste their time like this so i will take the maturer side and NOT start the petition though beware that your little plan is worth a dime to those writers since vanessa was there for a REASON and that was to be the bug of all things perfect and without her the show would be heavenly boring so just give it up 270 people my ass i bet u all invited your hillybilly cousins

the real reason why u all hate miss V is that she reminds u SO much of yourself since REALITY CHECK u are not as rich as your idol miss blair and the others so V tends to make u feel sad about your life and therefore you develop an unjustly hate. so gtfo and make some sense u have inspired me to never do anything STUPID


OFFICIALS HAVE ADVISED BLAIR WALDORF THAT IT IS NOW SAFE FOR HER TO CONSUME COFFEE. THIS IS COWGIRL THE BITCH FOR KOOL-AID NEWS. (YEE-HAW!)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

the poll that follows the WORD

Since Inca went through all the trouble of posting the essay I will go through the trouble of adding a poll. I love making the polls ;)


cowards die MANY times before their death




At the request of people who can’t seem to understand where our vehement dislike for the character of Vanessa Abrams comes from we have accepted a challenged to put together a cohesive statement as to why we and other people in the fandom have what others call an ‘unexplained’ hate for this particular character. It is true, that for the most part, people randomly shout ‘HATE VANESSA’ statements with nothing to back-up their particularly passionate statements and we also admit to falling into this same category because at times the hate is so much that we can’t think straight and we develop a temporary case of turrets.

So, we will attempt to put together a chronologically-friendly essay as to WHY exactly there is dislike, hate, and major indifference for this character. NOTE: In a show such as Gossip Girl one can hardly afford to have a character whose purpose in the show is clouded and yet to be truly lined out.

When we first meet Vanessa she crawls through the Humphrey window and we wait a few minutes to see if anyone will push her out. When that doesn’t happen we, as the viewer, begin to wonder if she’s here to stay. So let us begin analyzing the purpose of Vanessa in episode 1.06, The Handmaiden’s Tale. At this point in our story Vanessa’s sole purpose is to create conflict in the relationship of Dan/Serena which was root-worthy back then. As a writer, one has to ask oneself, what do the writers want me to feel towards this character when they are introducing her under these conditions. For starters, if you’ve never read the books, which is like 80% of the fans of the show, you’re mad as hell. Here comes this bitch who claims she knows Dan better than anything and makes Serena feel inferior. So the writers as USING her to make Serena doubt her connection with Dan. Instantly by Vanessa’s reaction to the ‘you said you loved me’ statement shows a map of how HER emotions will always be justified and excused.

From the moment of conception in 1.06 she’s already a thorn on your side.

Bring in 1.07. While we, CB’ers, block anything that doesn’t have to do with Chuck & Blair out we have to take a moment to remember that it was ONCE MORE the window-crawling tactic that was used to ruin the attempts at Darena consummating their teenage love. BECAUSE we, the audience, are on Darena’s side the little wishful look that Vanessa sports as she advices Dan to spiffy up his room tells us that she’s TOTALLY INTO HIM. STILL. Now, once more, her purpose here is to tell you that she’s looming in the shadows being pretty, perfect, down to earth and overall good. Those are the characteristics of a Mary Sue. She’s being paired up AGAINST Serena at this point in our story. (note: through the course of the last 2 seasons she has been paired up AGAINST all 3 female leads in the show)

We, the audience, is supposed to feel a bit sad for Vanessa because she’s longing for the guy that no longer wants her. Boo hoo. I’m sorry. I cannot be sympathetic at this point in our story. Because at this point, I happen to like Darena and want Darena to work out. NOTE: As the audience’s indifference towards Darena begins so does Vanessa’s indifference towards Dan progresses. ;)

Now, let us bring in 1.08 Seventeen Candles. In the originally story, as stated by Blake Lively, Vanessa was going to BEAT Serena in the Guitar Hero contest held in Blair’s party. Though it didn’t air, one has to ask oneself once more WHY? This is what got me thinking about Vanessa’s purpose in the show at this point. Her point was simply to make Serena feel insecure in her relationship with Dan, to start Dan lying and to make Vanessa the ‘good guy’. Because she never means to do harm, she’s honest and good and perfect in every way. Like chocolate.

Now. Let us bring in the big guns.

Episode 1.11 – Roman Holiday. The fact that Vanessa is STILL after Dan as pointed out by Blair herself and not contradicted tells us that it is true. Now, the interesting part in this sequence is that by the end of the episode, AS ALWAYS WITH VANESSA, she ends up being the good-guy with the heart of fucking gold. But really, let us think what is her purpose here. It starts out by the very beginning by once more using her to make Serena insecure about how well she knows Dan and how will she ever compare to the ever perfect Vanessa. *look* Including her thought that the Humphrey mix CD is perfection in itself for her. She’s a good honest girl, you see. ONCE MORE pegging her as a Mary-Sue. Then we have the point when she knows JUST WHAT to get Dan, thus helping Serena. Point here is that she does know Dan better than Serena yet Dan still wants Serena and this triangle from Brooklyn-hell continues.

Now, there begins a shift in her purpose when 1.12 airs. I like that in this episode is the first time she either reads something she shouldn’t or sees something she shouldn’t and magically understands people. In 1.12 her purpose shifts from being in the middle of the Darena debacle to pushing her towards the UES. Mainly towards Chuck, Blair and Nate. She can’t do more damage to Darena that it doesn’t do itself so might as well USE her for another purpose. I think this is when the camera begins. Oh the camera. You see the camera itself is ALSO a tool. It’s a tool to make her tag along with Dan everywhere she’s not wanted AND is a tool for the Chuck/Blair storyline. So hence once more she’s being used for the ‘greater good’ having no real purpose of her own. Vanessa voices her dislike for all things UES various times so it’s ironic that by the next season she’s using the SAME tactics she so despised to her own purpose and agenda. I will get to that later on. So, this episode once more concludes with Vanessa being the good-guy who helped Blair defeat Chuck’s blackmail and push her towards the 2nd round of the 4-minute Nair. At this point my TV is dripping with Mary-Sue references, more than I can count.

So we have some nice episodes without her on screen and then comes the progression of the stage previously formed in her ‘purpose’. This is 1.15, ‘Desperately Seeking Serena’. Can we state how she starts out by being a jerk to Nate right off the bat? But she’s supposed to be redeemed by the end because thus begins Nate/Vanessa. In the same episode. Without previous interaction. THAT is a bothersome thing in itself. He like discovers her, woos her and now they’re kinda dating. All in 46 minutes. But things with Nate generally work this way. Now, once more, we have the whole she does something brash and ends up saying she’s sorry and she comes off as the good-guy. Who steals Nate’s erratic heart. First letter snatching of her career comes in play when she reads Nate’s essay. By the end of it Nate is hooked, Dan KINDA is jealous but that is never touched on and Blair kinda is also but we walk away from it.

Now, I should state that while she was segregated with Nathaniel in a corner I was fine with her because her purpose was to entertain Nate. It’s when she’s loose that she becomes dangerous because we still don’t have a purpose.

In 1.16 we don’t know what is her purpose still aside from serving Georgina/Sarah coffee and something about a documentary. But then again, if she wasn’t around who would serve the coffee?

In 1.17, Woman on the Verge, we do have a purpose. It’s to entertain Nathaniel once more and to inform Dan that Sarah may be a liar which ends up being pointless because Dan believes anything anyone tells him. It’s sad. And I think there’s a Rufus scene in here. To make him think about Lily, I believe? It’s useless because Lily still chooses Bart regardless of what happens. Oh and the cables for the show! How can I forget? Without her Rufus would’ve been going acoustic.

1.18 makes me laugh, and it’s got nothing to do with the dress but the fact that her character is SO badly used that it makes me cringe. When we see her she kinda makes eyes at Dan and by the end of the episode there’s totally a sense of Danessa but it’s just LEFT there. It goes NOWHERE and it makes me annoyed because once more it’s crappy storylines that are doing NOTHING for her character or her character development.

We have a Blair confrontation which always leaves me on Blair’s side because Blair actually has to pay for her wrong doings. Unlike Vanessa. Vanessa is once more shown as a strong moral character who is willing and eager to listen to anything either Nate or Dan have to say. She reminds me of that girl in comedies when a successful guy goes back home to remind him of what he left behind? And there’s this girl who is just perfect in every way because thought she makes mistakes she always apologies and ends all with a dimple smile. She’s her. She’s that girl, it’s a Mary Sue. So we don’t know why her and man-bangs are no longer talking and we also don’t know why she’s suddenly interested in Dan again. All we can be certain at this point is that Season 1 leaves us wondering if she’s going to come in between Darena once more and what the heck was her point in S1.

Let’s recap S1 in bullets, like I promised.

  • Purpose #1 – the bring tension between Darena
  • Purpose #2 – To make Serena insecure of Dan
  • Purpose #3 – to show she’s an overall great person
  • Purpose #4 – to end the Chair blackmail for the time being
  • Purpose #5 – to push Blair towards Nair II
  • Purpose #6 – to entertain Nate
  • Purpose #7 – to pour Georgina coffee
  • Purpose #8 – to talk to the Humphreys
  • Purpose #9 – to wear a radio-active dress and make us scared of Jenny’s abilities as a designer
  • Purpose #10 – to make us forget all about her until a few episodes into S2

Let us begin Season 2. What – you thought I was kidding when I said this was going to be extensive? Think again. I’m just getting started because Season 2 is when she became controversial and thus the HATE begins.

We’re stunned in Episode 2 to find out that Vanessa is still in the show. It takes us a few minutes to realize this and remember her. I don’t know what I find more disturbing in this episode. That she never leaves the coffee shop or that she flirts with Rufus. I’m like WTF? But really, if they had done the Rufus/Vanessa angle I might not be here typing this up, that would’ve been one hell of a killer scandalous angle. Worthy of Gossip Girl but since Gossip Girl, often shunned for their scandal, really does lack it I’m not surprised. But once more (and really, by now I’m kinda tired of this) she ends up the jipped one being left by Nate for his prostitution.

Enter ‘The Dark Night’. Now, the ironic part, is that episode 2.03 can possibly be her best episode. I know, it’s strange. The writers had a GOOD thing going there for 20 minutes but how fast it was easily crushed by later doings. I have honestly nothing but good things to say about 2.03. Her character had a storyline, a good one that didn’t negatively fuck up things. I was slightly bothered that AGAIN she’s the sacrificial lamb here but what they did to Nate/Vanessa in this episode was possibly Nate’s best angle on the show thus far. What happened to it? We still don’t know – it’s a fucking phenomenon. They lost that momentum and fast. So we rooted for her here, it was a new feeling and we thought we could possibly like her and ignore the bad wardrobe and blinding earrings.

Then comes the ex-files. *takes a breath*

Inherently she’s used to remove Marcus from the show and have Blair be distracted enough to lose her throne to Serena. What bothers us from here is this. She SEES how affected Blair is by the Marcus/Catherine pictures, Blair was crying. Yet, she turns around and uses those same pictures that caused her pain for the purpose of blackmail later in the season. If this was something Blair had done then she would’ve seen the errors of her ways and would’ve had to pay one way or another. But because it’s VANESSA, our resident Mary Sue, she didn’t have to. I will elaborate in a minute.

What good thing they had going for her just an episode before is snatched away at her inability to keep her fucking mouth closed. Nate, being the douche he is, leaves her and that entire NV storyline is left hanging last yesterday’s laundry. This is what I mean. The inability of the writers to continue her storyline as they just leave it and pick it up when needed is what kills her.

I think she was like in 2 scenes in ‘New Haven Cant Wait’ – something about encouraging Jenny to drop out because she could be as fabulous as Vanessa. Who we find out is homeschooled and all the random appearances are now magically explained. By this point I’m indifferent towards her character. And this is important because indifference is the first step into the hate which comes swiftly after it.

In ‘Chuck in Real Life’ her purpose is needed once more in order to be a catalyst for things to come. One must note that this episode is not really about her despite it being drenched with her. It’s really about Chuck and Blair. Mostly Blair and Blair’s feeling about Chuck. There are several things that bother me about her in this episode, things that started the hate.

1. Instigating the blackmail against Blair when she knows FULL WELL what Blair is capable of. Once the blackmail backfires she’s shown as the victim. Blair wasn’t parading around school wondering how she could fuck over Vanessa. It was Vanessa who showed up at a school that she doesn’t even attend to blackmail Blair.

2. How exactly can the writers THINK that having it seem like Vanessa understands Chuck more than Blair will show her in ANYTHING other than a negative light? That the fans will cheer for this? This is the beginning of our very stupid writing. I think it’s safe to say that a lot of the V-hate was born out of this particular exchange. The motivation? How about people just don’t fucking like it?

3. ‘Winning’ against Blair has never done anything for any character other than create hate. Why? Because Blair is an overall favorite and because she’s the one who is always loosing people root for her. So having Vanessa ‘win’ in ways against Blair are we really surprised that people would antagonize her? Really? Are we? If you are then be surprised, by now V-hate was created and once a character is hated it’s VERY hard to remove the hate.

I think by far my favorite was 2.08 when she has the BALLS to tell Dan that she was used. It reminds me of a kid who poked the lion. Poked it without provocation and then got bit. And says that the lion bit them. What the fuck did you think was going to happen? That it would lick you?

I think that 2.08 was the true turning point for me. No remorse, just the victim. It wasn’t her fault, she was used. It’s this mentality that the writers have towards her character that makes me AFRAID of what they are willing to do with her and what they THINK they can get away with. That we can still like her after 2.07 and 2.08 that we wouldn’t notice that even though she claims she hates all things UES and all the blackmail and the lies she turns around and does the same thing. Because YES, what she said to Dan was a conventional lie. They didn’t USE you, you tried to use them. That’s twisting truth for your convenience and others may not notice but I do and I’m here to fucking tell you that this was my last straw. ANYTHING she does after this goes into my V-hate pile.

In ‘There Might be Blood’ we have her AGAIN posed as the victim. If this is not a fucking pattern I don’t know what is. I’m not even a fan of Vanessa but not even Nate cared that she was upset by the NJ kiss. That’s victimizing right there. The good girl that loves the guy sees the guy once more choosing someone else over her. It’s all too VOTE TEAM VANESSA for me and I can’t stand it. You can’t make me like her by now, she’s already messed with too much for me to root for her. I just can’t. But you see, I think that the writers STILL don’t see this and continue their VOTE TEAM VANESSA thoughts.

Shall we proceed to the Magnificent Archibalds? Let us. I love that her opening line to Chuck is ‘you know how hard this is for me’. Let me take a moment to say ‘WHAT THE FUCK?’. He would’ve never have TALKED to you if you had not baited Blair to begin with so anything that happened to you it’s your own doing yet Chuck (as always) is the evil guy here and she’s the victim. Whatever, she helps Nate during this and the NV starts once more at the end of this episode. Now. The final act in this play here is when it gets good. This marks ‘letter stealing from Nate #2’. You see, those of you who love Jenny are infuriated. Those who don’t care are like ‘yay, she did something naughty’ and people like me who are just offended by her mere presence in my TV are like ‘STOP TRYING TO GIVE HER A MOTHERFUCKING EDGE’.

Now, this is when we have character assassination. Because at this point nothing that Vanessa claims to be, nothing that she says she is can be considered true. She claims to dislike all things UES, claims to despise what the people in the UES do but she does it. In Brooklyn. She does the same thing. I wouldn’t have a problem with this if she was held accountable for the things she does. If, like Blair who loses things permanently because of it. But she doesn’t. Even after the whole NJV drama she keeps BOTH the guy and the best friend.

But let’s get there first. Episode 2.12.

I like that she goes back to being with Nate in the beginning of the episode without repercussions, with a bit of a twisted conscious and a twist of the scarf to show how bad she feels. They’re laughing, kissing, and smiling though he’s basically an erratic fool. NOW he’s into her. I have to say that they could’ve done SO much more with the whole NJV storyline and I was definitely deflated that they left it at that because it could’ve gone much better. But once more choppy storylines get in the way and Nate ends up choosing Vanessa after a little heartfelt confession to Dan and a heartfelt confession that she’s been jealous of Dan & Jenny and that’s that. You see, ONCE MORE, she’s justified in what she does and we’re supposed to be ok with it and even go as far as to root for her. This is what marked her as a Mary Sue for me. She’s too good in every way yet she does things that contradict that and those things that contradict it are never addressed and those that are addressed end up painting her in a good light. So, in reality it ends up being a win-win situation which must be nice.

In Gone with the Will she does a cameo. I think. I think her and Nate are still dating. I think. This does NOTHING to make me like her more.

Same with ‘You’ve Got Yale’ in which EVERYONE can at least agree that the entire purpose of Nate/Vanessa in this episode was to smile and look cute. Thank you but no. I would’ve rather had a minor Chair scene.

I also think this serves to once more show that though she dislikes all things UES she’s willing to overlook some things. This makes her a loose cannon in my eyes.

Once more, Carnal Knowledge, mission? To look cute with Nate. I sense a pattern. And I think the majority of people agree that this entire episode was a HUGE WTF. So if the episode made no sense Vanessa made even less sense in it.

Now, enter Age of Dissonance, which is the turning point or should I say the basis for the ‘poor Vanessa’ movement. It’s a movement because even people who didn’t like her thought Nate was a douchebag to her. Which he was. But you see, at first glance, one doesn’t see what is going to happen. Now that we’ve seen the episodes after it one can see what was meant by this turn of events.

I call it the ‘Poor Vanessa’ moment because I see it as the manipulation tool used by the writers to make us not only feel bad for V but to justify her actions in coming episodes. This is what bothers me about this and I can safely say it bothers quite a few people.

Up to this point, we’ve had episodes and episodes of us not caring if Vanessa comes and goes. She’s stayed in a corner entertaining Nathaniel and that’s been that. Because we have not been made to care for her – to ROOT for her the change in the final few episodes backfires. You see, at this point the majority of your fans of the show are clamoring for Chuck to shape up and to stay on target. The target being Blair. Instead of cultivating that inherent need that the fans as asking for in order for them to continue being interested in the storylines you have presented to them thus far this season a 360 degree switch is made. Suddenly there’s tension for NV, Blair is out of control and Chuck’s doppelganger has taken over. Now, these things are all being orchestrated for the grand finale which is 2.20 when the big FU happens. Yes, the big FUCK UP.

This is a warning of things to come. Things start falling apart, characters begin behaving out of their control and no one is in charge.

There is no storyline consistency carried over from previous episodes. None.

Now, this would’ve not turned into the Vanessa hate show had she been kept at bay. However, she’s ONCE MORE, used and abused by the writers who at this point were given five extra episodes to work with and had to do something to make Nair look like it was ok.

Now comes MY moment.

This storyline and the debacle of the ever present Vanessa hate comes in three acts. Like a magic trick.

ACT ONE – the pledge

The writers promise us a fantastic storyline worthy of admiration. It seems impossible at first but we, the audience, are raptly attune. We can’t wait for them to show us all the wonderful things that Chair is. Vanessa and Nate at this point are in the background. But for not long.

ACT TWO – the turn

This is when the very rapt audience gasps. Where is the pledge? How can this be? What happened to our story? Where is the admiration? There is inherent confusion as we stand by gasping, adamantly hoping that it’s not all true. The ‘magic’ trick is too awful. It’s too discombobulated. Why is Nate ignoring Vanessa and going for Blair? Who is this person claiming to be Blair? Where is the fight that Chuck promised us? Why is suddenly Vanessa in the middle of the scandal? Now you’re looking for the secret? But you see, there is none. There is no secret. By now ALL the character are being used for a greater purpose that makes no sense. The grand secret is that there is no plan, that this plan hatched up, patched together. So the question now becomes WHY out of all the people in this party is Vanessa getting the most hate?

ACT THREE – the prestige

Enter the last act. The shock. Because the audience has been emotionally invested in Blair, Chuck and Nate’s character and the writers have not made us root for Vanessa the way they had us root for the other three she will inherently get the hate. Makes no sense, you think? Actually it makes PERFECT sense. Let me explain. When watching a war movie and the audience only sees one side of the story they will automatically be against the enemy. Regardless of their side of the story, regardless of their motivations and their own pity-party. Why is this? Because if you have not up to this point made me understand ANYTHING at all about why this character does what she does, believes what she believes and has had a substantial effect on my enjoyment of this story I will automatically make her the opposition. The reason things are not working out. You can call is an scapegoat but it’s an scapegoat created by the writers. I didn’t create her, I didn’t destroy her, I don’t control her. The writers do.

At this point in our story it’s too late to redeem her. It’s too late to get a fandom to stop hating on her. You can’t stop the signal. You can’t tell people what to feel towards her when you’ve never given them a reason to feel anything but indifference and dislike towards her. This is the backlash of the Mary Sue syndrome. When a character is treated the way she is, so sporadic and unbalanced in both her actions, motivations and consistency it makes her dangerous. Because the writers continue just using her for their purposes she can, at this point, be used FOR ANYTHING.

We know that the Vanessa hate is inherently the writers-hate. We know this, we’re not fools. We know that they are the ones that have written her, exploited her and used her for their own devices. They KNOW the audience doesn’t respond to her yet instead of either writing her off or giving her a storyline that will NOT interfere with the most popular storyline in the show they do quite the opposite.

THAT is what is what the hate is about. It’s not even about Chuck and Blair anymore. Chuck and Vanessa was the last straw to this boiling dislike that has been bottling up inside people. You see the problem is that people are usually afraid of stating something as boldly as I HATE THIS CHARACTER in a public place because of the obvious backlash that will incur from others. So what do we do? We sit around and we whine about. We whine, whine, whine about her and about this and about that. The purpose behind the petition is to stop the whining and begin the action.

We are TIRED of hearing people complain about a character, we’re tired of being indifferent towards her, we’re tired of her being used, we’re tired of her being developed in ways that we’re not accepting. THE AUDIENCE, the majority of the people, do not like her. It’s a fact. Goes across the board. This type of reaction should be reserved for a bad character. BUT making a Mary Sue can also have this effect.

Now, I wanted to keep the essay objective and making it to have nothing to do with Jess’ performance. Yet, people often talk about Nate being boring because of Chace and this is accepted. Most agree that the reason Nate’s storylines are what they are is because of Chace. I think and I believe that a lot of this problem is parallel with the actresses’ inability to make me love her the way I love Blair. It’s that vulnerability hidden behind layers of bitchiness, it’s that ability to claim her bitchiness and make no apologies. With Vanessa it’s quite different as I have pointed out on various times that her hypocrisy makes her unsympathetic and BECAUSE I’m already unsympathetic towards her plight now that she’s suddenly given a storyline I cannot – WILL NOT – root for her. Excuse her. Do anything but rant and rage. MOST ESPECIALLY when said storyline comes in between a favored pairing. A fandom’s favored pairing.

I have stated this before, the purpose of the petition is NOT to fall under the belief that we can get rid of the character. It’s the hope that we can show the writers that we are not responding well to their chosen tactics. Why Vanessa? Why not petition for Nate?

I will tell you. Because unlike Nate, Vanessa is not anchored to the UES. She’s notorious for showing up in scenes and places that she has nothing to do with. Hence making her unpredictable and untrustworthy in my eyes. Because once this is all over, once Blair and Chuck are together and Nate is doing god knows what, what can be done with her character?

These are the options

  • Make her a 3rd party to Chair. Which is the stupidest of moves, if you ask me because she’ll always be the third party in the audiences’ eyes. Because in the end Chuck will ALWAYS chose Blair before Vanessa.
  • Bring Nate/Vanessa back together. This is also an unlikely path BECAUSE they were so easily dispatched for no other reason than prolonging Chair so I don’t see the writers rooting much for them.
  • Dan/Vanessa. If kept around I do believe this is the most likely route that will happen and this will only serve to infuriate the Darena fans. Granted, I wouldn’t care but this means that officially Vanessa would’ve been with all 3 guys. Yet out of all the possibilities I think this is the most likely of them all. Yet, because so much screentime has been invested in Darena you have to HONESTLY ask yourself if we can even take DV seriously.

  • Final one. Get her a new barista boy. I think this can only keep her at bay for so long before one of the top 3 ones can be latched on to. Mostly because if the writers didn’t even invest that much screentime on NV can you really expect them to be either interested or have the availability to give a Vanessa/other pairing the careful attention an END GAME ship requires?

I think I can say no more. Five thousand words later and I’m tired of talking about Vanessa, I officially dislike her more than I started out in this essay because now I can see all the fuck ups that have been done with her. And really, I’m not attempting to convince you to hate her. I’m just trying to give you an explanation of why I do. You’re welcomed to like her all you like. Just like I’m welcomed to hate her all I do.

KOOL-AIDers? Are you trying to SEDUCE me?



So it goes like this. Some bitches will love what we do. Some others will fucking hate it. It's just that simple. This bitch right here? FUCKING LOVES IT. So we continue our ever delightful FANDOM WANKING!! Because YOU too can be stupid enough to WANK!! I think everyone has the right to be wanked, I know some of you must be sad that we haven't wanked your stupidity as of yet but dont you worry! I am sure you will annoy someone out there enough for them to send in your Kool-Aid inspired statement! Bring it on!


On our Anti-Vanessa Petition ;) 231!!!!

This so cruel! I would never ever imagine that so many people forget that behind the character there is a real person, Jessica, who has done nothing that terrible for people to wish she loses her job! It's not "Vanessa's" fault that many GG viewers don't like her, it's the producers/writers fault who don't know what to do with her character. I believe that people should be demanding some creative writing for GG's characters and not writing-off some character.


ME: YOU all DO NOT need to worry, considering that her fans think she's BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED beyond belief she will have NO trouble becoming the next Megan Fox. We're helping her out, really. She's NOT shinning in Gossip Girl and she will one day thank us. Also, no amount of re-writing her is going to make the people who already HATE her like her. It's just not. She'll be the new Riley and people still shudder at the thought of that piece of disastrous character.


Vanessa hasn't even been given a chance to really shine yet. Her character does have a lot of potential and I think it's stupid that everybody knocks her and doesn't really have a reason for it. No she should definitely STAY on the show.

ME: Babygirl, she's had 2 fucking seasons to win me over. At the end of these 2 season I can't even STAND to look at her in my TV, that tells you her time has been badly used and should just be replaced for someone the audience can root for. Aren't we tired of this show having all these MEDIOCRE characters? I am! I want other character I can love and look forward to their scenes! Also, check out my Mary Sue post and if that's not enough I will personally write you a cohesive essay as to WHY people HATE Vanessa. With bullet points.

Just randomized stupidity, my fave!

Okay, it's one thing to bash couples and an episode, but it's another thing entirely to complain about the fans. We're entitled to like whatever couples we want and there is nothing wrong with shipping more than one couple. It's just a TV show; we're allowed to change our minds as to what couples we like and we're allowed to like more than one at different points in a show. Blair became more like herself in these past few episodes. In You've Got Yale, Carnal Knowledge, and The Age of Dissodance, she became just annoying, whiny, and screechy, and she's my favorite character. However, toward the end of The Grandfather, she regained her poise that makes Blair Blair. And the fact that she is a hopeless romantic is a large part of her character and always has been. However, if you thought she acted like a whiny schoolgirl, that's your opinion and you're entitled in it.

ME: I agree, therefore WE are entitled to dislike who we want to dislike. INCLUDING you. You're welcome to ship-jump, ship-change, ship-fuck ALL you fucking like. HOWEVER, be prepared for bitches like me to point out that I dont like your well crafted hypocrisy and I think ALL that you said is under the influence of the motherfucking KOOL-AID. On Blair? Let me ask, do you understand the concept of character regression? Because if you dont, I would look into it. It'll clear up A LOT of confusion.

-------

I also think Chuck has always liked Vanessa. There's something about her that appeals to him, for some reason, and he has always been at least somewhat gracious to her.

ME: This stupid fuck is just drowning on the motherfucking KOOL-AID. We do remember when Chuck bought her off, right? Or when he changed his mind about seducing her when Blair told him she was getting a Brazilian wax, right? Gracious indeed. Doesn't matter, she's getting written off soon, we have faith in that and then we dont have to listen to your stupidity that makes us twitch.

-------

on Blair fighting long and hard for Chuck:
"Long and hard? 2 episodes qualifies as long and hard? Blair never fought for Chuck. But I don't hold it against her. The reason she never fought for Chuck is because she has always been in love with Nate. Chuck was the rebound guy. And now that Nate is back in the picture...she no longer needs him." some people already know the fate of NB and will do anything to have Chuck away from Blair: "I hope that Chuck will fall in love with G so we can get rid of him , ah I hate him..''


ME: *is befuddled* Yes. This person REALLY believes this. I wonder if she believes in the tooth-fairy also because it would make TOTAL sense. This particular troll was just last week posting all over about CV. Now she's got a new angle with the new stills that came out. Dont be surprised if after next episode 80% of the 'CV supporters' turn to 'CG supporters'. ANYTHING to keep Chuck and Blair away from one another.

------

''I remember Nate questioned whether or not Blair cared about Chuck and even said she was maternal. Blair quickly denied this because she didn't want to give Nate the wrong idea. (Pretty solid proof if you ask me).''

ME: Yes, people. She turned OFF her TV after that moment because she obviously didn't see the rest of this episode. That or she continued watching with her fingers stuck in her ears and singing 'LALALALALAAAAA' loudly while blinking rapidly.


So you see, whenever you feel left out because you haven't been WANKED just post something that is liable to piss the shit out of your fellow men and at one point or another your stupidity will be WANKED!

Friday, April 10, 2009

<3 your local intellectual ARTISTE



You have to hand it to GG Insider, this is the PERFECT time to post this motherfucking picture and let us caption it.

Here are some of our faves:

"How can I ruin this show this week...?"

Note to self: Ruin Gossip Girl. Mission accomplished.

If I hold this in front of my face, maybe they won't notice I only have two facial expressions,including this bitchface.

Steal Jenny's mail. Check. Steal Blair's identity. Check. Steal Blair's man. Check. Next, Blair's headbands!

Why did that guy yell 'Mary Sue' at me? Can't he tell that I, Vanessa Abrams, intellectual artiste, would never have such a plebeian name?

ummmm,so I have ruined Dan, Nate, and finally Chuck.
Who's next? Eric or Rufus?????

Does hypocrisy go with orange?

"Hm... what couple should I get between now?"

What I am today? A videographer? A home-schooling advocate? A slut? Hmm. I'll just go with annoying. Annoying is my signature, after all.

But I think one person takes the cake:

Ok I happen to love Vanessa's character... everyone stop hating on her!

A minute later...

my bad, didn't see it was a caption contest hahaha

She just cracked me up, I'm still laughing.

Also, someone sent me a link to some motherfucking picspam of some 'CHAIR SHIPPER' who decided to do a Chuhobo picspam. WHAT IN THE FLYING FUCK?? FUCKING MULTI-SHIPPERS MOTHERFUCKING GET ME FUCKING PISSED ON A MOTHERFUCKING FRIDAY MAKE ME WANT TO CUT SHIT AND POSSIBLY STRANGLE SOMEONE.

*breathes*

Do me a fucking favor, will you? It's INSULTING that you claim to love Chair and then turn around and fucking picspam, icon-make or anything else artistic to elevate a 4 minute ship. I rather you fell off the motherfucking boat than to carry empty weight, ok? Because that's what you are. The writers are screwing over relationships left and right and all you can do is motherfucking stand there and be all sympathetic? Do you not see how out of motherfucking character this is? OF COURSE you dont, you're drinking the MOTHERFUCKING KOOL-AID and you're fucking LIKING it. And one more thing. I dont give a SHIT that you're insulted. I dont give a shit what you think of our rants. This is the thing - the people that are seeing your shit are PISSED. But they're not going to tell you so I AM. Because I have NO PROBLEM saying it like it is. It's fucking refreshing in a world that has so many MOTHERFUCKING TWO-FACED people. Yeah. I'm talking about you.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

YOU have the power



I have been thinking about this for a while, mulling it over. Thinking of the possibilities of it all. The pros and the cons. Taking in the fandom reaction to this character. And then I started thinking - what do we do about this? We do NOTHING about this. We sit around and complain about it all fucking day. Well, this is when it ends. No more bitching and moaning and doing nothing about it. The day for ACTION is here. We here at the Kool-Aid are starting BOTH a letter writing campaign AND an online petition to get this motherfucking character OFF our show.

You may think we're extremists, that's quite alright, you wouldn't come here unless you were looking for extremists. Now, I'm not under the delusion that a few hundred signatures and a few hundred emails will get Vanessa OFF Gossip Girl. I'm not, it's a matter of principle. Remember when the talked before about the power of words? That your voice counts and you shouldn't let anyone let you think otherwise? That those same words can possibly influence the course of things? That's what we're trying to accomplish. The writers KNOW that the audience is not reacting favorably to Vanessa, hence the sudden character change. To make her more popular, more screen time with the most popular characters. Well, it's time to inform them that it's doing quite the opposite.

Now, I'm not just addressing you Chair-lovers here. I'm addressing ALL the couples. You think Vanessa has only affected your coupling? Think again. Because she has no purpose she is being used where she needs to be used and I for one will NOT stand for it.

NB'ers - you think you're safe? You think she can never touch your ship? I would think a few times about that one. As long as she's around Nate is bound to fall once more into her mouth.

NJ'ers - I dont even have to preach to you all, you all HATE her with a vengeance.

DS'ers - dont feel out of danger, she's done BOTH Nate and Chuck this season, who do you think she's going to go for next season? Rufus? I dont think so, she's going straight to Dan and she's the one you should be worried about, if you ask me especially with Savage reminiscing lately about the books.

and CB'ers - do I really even have to go there? I mean, really?

I'm sorry you NV'ers out there, but they've fucked up your ship, be mad at them NOT me.

So really, we SHOULD band together and do something about this character that is being used to fuck up EVERYONE! She's a fucking loose canon, they dont know what to do with her so they have her do everyone else. Not going to fucking happen without me stating something about it.

So here it is. Feel free to post it ANYWHERE. Let the few haters say what they like, let us see how many we can get.

WRITE-OFF VANESSA ABRAMS

Signed the petition? Now it's time to write in. We had provided before a link to contact the CW, now we're providing it AGAIN. Let them know EXACTLY what you think of Vanessa and what they're doing with her character.

WRITE THE CW - CHOOSE GOSSIP GIRL FROM THE LISTING

REMEMBER. No one can get mad at you, you're stating an opinion. It's YOURS to do with as you wish. You dont owe anyone anything, and you have a RIGHT to dislike a character. Remember, this is OUR show and thought it may never get her character out at least they know we DONT LIKE HER. They NEED to know this.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

make WAR not LOVE



So we engaged in our own verbal spat in the web this week. Yes, we're out on the boards and websites posting our opinions. We dont curse them out or anything, we keep things civil and contained. We leave the cursing for here. Most of the times we dont get replies. You see, when people are on the Kool-Aid they're stupid and when you reason and give examples behind your thoughts they basically have to shut the FUCK up and walk away. Pretend they never saw your response. It's ok. We understand. Envy our Kool-Aid free mind!

KOOL-AIDER: I actually don't hate Chuck. I just hate that his fans vehemently deny he's inherently a bad person (not to mention selfish and scheming, which is why I think him and Blair DON'T work, since they're so similar, even though she's got a good heart and is my favourite) but I think he works well as the villain. Anything else just sucks. N isn't innocent, I think he made a mistake with S but V was hardly innocent and I think his downward spiral began post B. NB bring out the best in each other.

ME: I am a Chuck fan and I'm a Chuck fan BECAUSE he's so very flawed and imperfect. He messes up, he does the wrong thing all the time, he's arrogant, selfish, he's self absorbed, he's deceitful and many other things. BUT he's also caring, loyal, loving, and often times a lost little boy who was ignored most of his life hence his need to develop and morph into the persona he is. He usually reacts to things out of thoughtlessness and sheer fright which is what gets him into trouble. He's the anti-hero and it's what makes him compelling to the majority of people. It's what makes people root for him because of his flaws and his demeanor. The same things with Blair. She's his mirror in so many ways which is why often times they 'get' one another without even having to say 'sorry' because what one does the other thought about doing. BOTH bring out the best and the worst out of one another.

I will give you examples:

Blair was at her best as she attempted to handle Chuck's situation with his father's death. Nate himself noted it when he saw her being motherly and caring. She wasn't being selfish or whiny or needy. In 2.13 she stumbled at times but at the end pushed everything aside to help him. That is bringing out her good qualities. On the flip coin he also does bring out the worst in her, for example the out of control jealousy in 2.07 over the Vanessa issue. YET, I do believe Blair is often afraid of being her true bitchy self around anyone other than Chuck and Serena because he not only likes to see her on top of her game but he finds it a turn on as does she.

For Chuck, Blair has brought out the best in him at times like in 2.08 at the end. He COULD'VE made them a couple but he decided to wait. It was mature and honest of him, more mature and honest than I have ever seen him. She was also the one who calmed him after his father's death, she became his anchor. She's also brought out the worst in him, when he goes jealous over her he can hardly control his actions and he ends up doing stupid, immature things over it.

So it's a ying-yang for them hence the appeal.

Now. I'm ALSO a Chair fan and I'm not child either. So what does that say about me?

later on (because she didn't reply and I got annoyed)

I think that at this point in the show if you still dont 'get' the CB relationship I really dont think you ever will. CB is a dark fairytale, it tells the story of a malicious prince that falls for the girl of his golden best friend. She also happens to be a dark queen of her own who holds her own nature at bay in her need to simplify and rose-color her world. It's Gothic and twisted and very very complex. Both are such magically flawed characters that they're almost NOT real because they're so very extreme. I think the actors brought out that nearly magical aspect to it because they embrace the darkness inside of the characters and every once in a while give you a peak of how much they care for the other and how Chuck and Blair wish, even in the dept of their malice, that they could also be golden and perfect. Well liked and accepted.


and on the Vanessa front - because aside from CB that's our favorite topic ;)

On Vanessa being a Mary Sue.

ME: She's a total Mary Sue. She's a good honest girl from an honest background who is pretty, talented and wise. She has the cutest boy fall for her, she does devious things but we're not supposed to see her as bad but justified by her own misunderstood actions. Here more info:

"Perhaps the single underlying feature of all characters described as "Mary Sues" is that they are too ostentatious for the audience's taste, or that the author seems to favor the character too highly. The author may seem to push how exceptional and wonderful the "Mary Sue" character is on his or her audience, sometimes leading the audience to dislike or even resent the character fairly quickly; such a character could be described as an "author's pet"."

Vanessa is the quintessential Mary Sue. No surprises why nearly everyone wants her to DIAF. None.


and I continue (I was on a ROLL that night!)

ME: The writers DO care about Vanessa, if they didn't she would've been gone already, any long time TV viewer can attest to that. I can give you a clear example of when Vanessa was portrayed as perfect. 2.07/208

She goes to blackmail Blair and ends up hurt. She's the victim. Blair's the neurotic one.

In 2.08 she tells Dan that CB used her as catnip and this statement is never corrected nor her initial involvement in the entire situation cleared up. Hence she's the victim.

And let us not forget the who NJV triangle - despite my misgivings towards NJ; Jenny lost and Vanessa won despite BOTH doing things wrongly. Vanessa got the guy.


and a SMART person replied

I completely agree with 4:18's assessment of Vanessa. I've never actively hated Vanessa (until now, because I cannot, just cannot believe that Chuck Bass would be honestly interested in her), but I was never well disposed towards her, either. I have never been a DS shipper, but I enjoyed their relationship in the beginning, and I was extremely annoyed to see Vanessa lurking around, trying to screw that up. She never really DID anything, but she was a potential obstacle, and since we barely knew her (and really, we still don't know her particularly well, nor do I ever really care to at this point), she rubbed me the wrong way. By the time she was introduced, I'd already had five episodes to get to know Serena and Dan, so I was naturally going to be on the DS side of things. Now I feel as though Vanessa is always lurking around, waiting to ruin a pairing. That's all she does, apart from making her "documentaries."

It's clear that the writers have no idea what to do with Vanessa, which is why I'm confused as to why they keep her on the show. I dislike how she's always wedged into scenes she shouldn't even be in, and how she's made to interact with people with whom she would never interact. They have no real reason to have her involved with any of the UES kids except Nate and maybe Serena, so they have to invent one. There she is, camera in hand, just waiting to suck. It's also incredibly annoying that she claims to want to document the manipulative machinations (which she claims to so despise) of the UES kids, and yet she engages in the very same bad behavior that she condemns in others. I just wish the writers would stop trying to force Vanessa on me. I don't like her, and I'm not going to like her. It's too late. And this last ditch effort to somehow make her over into Blair Waldorf is just insulting. It only makes me despise her more.

So in conclusion, when posting postal shit about CB look behind you, I will put you in your place AND when having a Vanessa-bash post PLEASE call me I'm more than happy to step in :D