we want POTATOES!!!

So what are you doing as we speak? Nothing? Well that's not going to cut it. You're going to have to get your shit together and fucking VOTE!

We WANT some Tater awards and we're going to get them. Now, here are the categories of interest:

* Moment That Made You Want to Throw Out Your TV - Yes, this would be the Chuhobo scene. VOTE FOR IT OR I WILL FUCK YOU UP. Thanks!
* Best Bitch - either The Queen or Sparks
* Best Kiss - HELLO!! HELLO!! Blair and Chuck, I shouldn't even have to tell you this.
* Biggest Tearjerker - I cried in all of Bart's funeral. I was just a sloppy mess and today so are you. SO VOTE FOR IT!
* Best Chemistry - OMFG, REALLY?? Really? GO VOTE FOR CHAIR, DAMMIT!
* Godforsaken Love Polygon You're Totally Over - Need I even mention our dislike for Nate/Blair/Chuck with a side of Hobo mess? Because really...
* Drama Mama - THE QUEEN!!! THE QUEEN!
* Drama King - THE KING, THE KING! LONG LIVE KING BASS!
* Best Drama - GG. I mean, why else are you even here?
* Best Line - My favorite is a toss up between "Three Words, 8 Letters", "Tell Jesus the Bitch is Back" and "I'm bored. You ruined my pants." In no particular order.

SO FOR FUCK'S SAKE GO FUCKING VOTE!!!

they're not our BUDDY for nothing

There is a variety of reason we LOVE Buddy TV. One of them is their crude reviews that we tend to love and agree with. If we weren't married to Ausi we would marry Buddy TV. After Gossip Guy, of course.

The Review:

Last night on Gossip Girl, we were all taken hostage by Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage in their cliche-powered time machine to 1980-something and forced to come along for an asinine exploration of Lily's "wild" past. On a normal week, this might be a bit forgivable because of all the flashy, distracting 80's fashions and music. (And No Doubt!)

Maybe. But, to add insult to sepia-toned injury, this week in Gossip-world was Constance/St. Jude's Prom Week.

PROM, you guys! And we missed it. Well, most of it. All so we could listen to Brittany Snow ask some poor-man's-Ed Westwick (who actually is poor, and also too clean-cut to be a valley punk): "Is this the moment when you fall in love with me?"

Actually, no, Lily, it's not that moment yet. How about never? Does never o'clock work for you?

Listen, Josh 'n' Steph: First, you impose your boring Lily backstory on an episode that should have been devoted solely to our actual characters' pinnacle high school experience. Then you try to cover up the fact that you're hijacking our show to pitch an unrelated spin-off by forcing connections between the real story and the craptastic 80's flashbacks that are tenuous and superficial at best. Sewing together a horse and a rhino does not a unicorn make. (HAHAHAA!!)

Especially when the rhino is as ugly as this one. Sorry Gossip Girl producers, but here are the reasons I hope the rumors are true that your spin-off is D.O.A.:

The Cast: Minor characters aside (because Cynthia Watros as CeCe and Krysten Ritter as Carol were not half bad), Brittany Snow as Lily was a joke. She's got the vacant, infantile, annoying but non-threatening, doe-eyed presence of a suburban cheerleader, not the uptight, undersexed, overspoiled, daddy-issues-deluded superiority of a WASP-in-training. Plus, Snow has huge, overpowering BLUE eyes, unlike Kelly Rutherford's slimmer, obviously brown eyes. And don't get me started on Owen and "Shep" (I can't forgive that name), who make Jenny Humphrey look like Debbie Harry with all their rocker edginess.

The Script: "Is this the moment when you fall in love with me? It is, isn't it?" A good actress couldn't even save that line from going into my ears and coming out my mouth in vomit-form. And Brittany Snow ain't that. The parts of the script not covered in cheese were still so terribly obvious and explicit. Especially the introduction of Carol, that sister we barely/never knew Lily had, but whom everyone else does know, making it both bad writing and cheap exposition when Lily says things like, "Hey Mom and Dad, remember my sister Carol, the one who ran away and wanted to become an actress, but she's not good at it? Yeah, her. Carol. Free bird, bad actress. Crazy ol' Carol."

The Plot: So Serena got arrested, which compelled adult-Lily to gaze out the window and wistfully sing, "Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" as she remembered her own wild days of mayhem and incarceration, and realize that they aren't so different, she and her buxom young blonde daughter. They were both repressed by horrible mothers, and they both ended up in jail because they were brave enough to fight the good fight defending what was good and true, hopes and dreams, freedom and justice, what have you. Except that Lily is the one who GOT Serena arrested by lying to the police about her daughter stealing a bracelet that she GAVE to Serena to show her pride in how much Serena had grown and matured. Adult-Lily defended her manipulative and immoral mothering, and then turned around and told her own mother how much she still hated her for always playing evil puppeteer with her children's lives, so CeCe should just get out and stay out, forever. So the spin-off hopes to tell the coming of age tale of a character whom we all just witnessed--as a grown-ass woman in command of three minors and many billions of dollars--has the emotional maturity and sense of responsibility of a hormonal preteen. Great start.

Gratuitous 80's References: The spin-off is set in the 80's. We get it, and that's great. But at a certain point what you probably think is "striving for temporal authenticity", or even "striving for a balance of fun, campy callbacks" becomes "striving for lazy and gratutious." You jammed Rubix cube, MTV/music videos references, Olivia Newton John/Madonna/Janet Jackson outfit-changing dance montage, Tom Cruise lookalike, and at least 5 fannypack jokes into your twenty-minute 80's adventure. It was a sleight of hand that sacrificed too much actual plot for nostalgic glitz and glitter. And the trick was obvious.

So thanks a lot, Josh and Stephanie.

You made our final Gossip Girl Prom rushed and unsatisfying--words that should only be reserved for losing one's virginity after Prom.

You pawned off a million storylines to the finale episode: Georgina Gone Bad, Ponzi-Poppy, Lovechild, Yale Money, Proposal, Queen of the Steps, Uncle Jack on New Year's Eve, and Taking Down Gossip Girl. You have no chance of successfully resolving them all--but if this last rush job is an indication, I'm betting you will try, which will distract from the one story we all love, the story you half-assed last night: Chuck and Blair. (LONG LIVE BUDDY TV!!!!!!)

And you did it with a poorly executed spin-off exposition that made me kind of hate the 80's.

And for that, I'm not sure if I can forgive you.

Buddy TV Love

Man! I love it when the media rims them! I couldn't have said it better myself. And that's saying a lot, you know I'm a pure narcissist.

"Scooby-Dooby-Doo!"

Buddy TV takes the award, HANDS DOWN for our favorite media reporter. They're always spot-on and SO much fun to read especially when they're totally agreeing with us! Check out their GG is the new Scooby-Gang Comparison!

Something happened for the very first time during last night's Gossip Girl: I got confused.

You too probably noticed (especially if you read my "Wrath of Con" recap) that the tent poles holding up this plot are actually tangled pieces of sparkly twine held together with our collective suspension of disbelief. But about half way through the episode, I grew tired of interrogating this Ponzi scheme nonsense (and how ready I am for Blair and Chuck to just make it work already). Instead, I decided to just give in to the silliness of it all... which led me, of course, to the old days of Saturday morning cartoons, and a fun new theory:

The Gossip Girl gang is the new Scooby gang.

Don't believe me? We had all the essentials last night: intrigue, backstabbing, mystery, an evil genius, a fall man... and even disguises! Here's what happened:

Via a foolproof pregnancy ruse, Serena and the gang discovered that it wasn't Gabriel, but actually Poppy Lifton was behind the theft of the century, and they plotted to catch her in the act using Georgina Sparks, who disguised herself as an oil heiress interested in investing with the Lifton Fund for Third World Wireless. But they were thwarted by a shocking twist, so the whole plan backfired: Dan lost his Yale money, Georgina lost all her Bible money, Serena's in jail, and Nate and Blair are going to Prom together. All the money is gone, and the crook is still on the loose!

And the more I thought about my theory, the more it made more sense than anything that actually happened during "The Wrath of Con."

So who's who in our Scooby Gang?

Blair is Velma. She's the sharp-tongued leader of the gang, and the resident genius in uncovering clues. Like Velma, Blair has a penchant for maryjanes, sweater sets, and bossing people around. But don't let her goody-two-shoes facade fool you: beneath the power glasses (headband), there's a temptress who's not afraid to go after what she wants, though she's sometimes too near-sighted to know what (or who) that is, exactly.

Serena is Daphne. Most memorable for her hair and fashion sense, Daphne is also known for being vain and always finding a way to get herself into trouble. The stereotypical "damsel in distress," she in less intelligent and more flirtatious than Velma, and essentially incapable of escaping risky situations--most of which she created herself. Prone to too-short skirts.

Chuck is Fred. The smarter and bossier of the two males in the gang. Along with Velma, he's a leader, and can often be seen constructing elaborate traps for villains. A womanizer and lifelong ascot wearer, with a playful wink Fred has been known to ask the female gang members if they want to go "investigate" dark corners alone with him.

Nate is Shaggy. A cowardly stoner slacker with shaggy hair in his eyes all the time who is more interested in eating and hanging out than in solving mysteries. When he does come along, he's clueless and unhelpful. Treats Scooby like a normal person, when everyone else knows he is not.

Dan is Scooby Doo. Due to his differing species and intellectual impediments, he is more a pet than an actual friend of the gang. Scooby is also clueless and decidedly unhelpful--in fact, more often than not, he just makes things worse. Talks a lot, but most people can't understand what he's saying. Easily manipulated. Likely castrated.

Zoinks! Can the gang stop Old Mrs. Lifton from the haunted amusement park before she skips town with all the money and disappears forever? With the aid of a helpful witch named Georgina, the forecast is bright that we will soon be hearing those famous words (Gossip Girl style, of course): "And I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!" Unless Dan screws it up. Which could totally happen.

HA!! Buddy TV, we LOVE YOU!!

cue SECOND choice Nate

I mean... I couldn't have summarized it better myself.

"HE LOVES BLAIR"

"LILY, LILY"

and of course

"CUE SECOND CHOICE NATE"

take the cake.

I love it when the Media wanks the show too; it shows that we're not fucking crazy they just play with puppets and we play with words.

GG HIGH FIVE!!

inca from the BLOCK

We have a lot of material this week. I know our inbox is full so please dont think we're ignoring you we're just trying not to do like 400 posts a day. Because you know... we have a life unlike the NB Powder Ranger/ Attention Getter. So hence we're slowly posting all the goodies :D

How about we praise the media for FINALLY getting their fucking heads out of their fucking Kool-Aid buckets? How about we fucking do that? So it seems like we're not the only ones NOT IMPRESSED with the prolonging of what was that Chuck called it? Yeah. The Inevitable.

from Blend TV's recap, the good bits :D

Gossip Girl’s ratings are looking pretty bleak, and although this was a perfectly fine episode, I understand why. I honestly feel as though I’ve been watching this scene forever. The storylines keep going on and on and on, and nothing gets resolved. CW has very few successful shows, so I understand why they would want to milk a buzz-getter like Gossip Girl for all its worth, but this show would be greatly helped by a shortened season.

While last week’s episode seemed to find all of our characters with acute cases of amnesia, this week’s episode finds everyone just generally oblivious. Vanessa returns to Brooklyn, her brief, pointless affair with Chuck apparently over. She has no real purpose in this episode other than to be the Greek chorus. (died laughing)

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For her part, Serena spent the entire episode being completely stupid, save for one intelligent observation.

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Unfortunately for everyone else on the Upper East Side and the viewers who are stuck watching her dumb, coltish machinations, Serena refuses to believe that Gabriel is playing her. Even though his whole ruse with Poppy is as transparent as glass, she buys his, “I’d rather be poor than be without you” shtick.

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They find her upstate somewhere at a Jesus camp where she babbles on and on about how she’s been saved. Even though Chuck doesn’t believe a word of it, it’s not until Georgina finds out that Blair was with him (she subsequently ditched Chuck in a fit of guilt and ran back to Nate [we’ll see how long ,that lasts]) that she somewhat drops the act and heads back to Manhattan with him.

Yeah. And we thought we were harsh on the episode - lol

Another one from Buddy TV who we would marry if it were a person.

And Blair and Chuck still didn't get together. Instead, Nate asked Blair to move in with him, and she said yes, because that makes about as much sense as anything else that happened.

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In all seriousness, "Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" was a fun episode, even for those of us just biding our time for the finale when Blair and Chuck will finally reunite. (you see??? we're not the only ones!)

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Next week, the gang convinces Georgina to Christian-guilt Poppy into giving back all the stupid people's money, Serena gives Gabriel a second chance, because she has the best taste in guys, ever, and Blair realizes that living in Murray Hill with Nate is worse than living underground with the subway mole men. Wake me up when it's Prom.

Really we're OK with the episode. But I have to agree with the resonating words that people keep asking. WHEN WILL THIS STORYLINE MOTHERFUCKING END?? *has headache* It's like foreplay that leads to nothing and when you get there it's too fucking late. Bring on Monday already, life, we need to watch Nathaniel continue his 'I AM IN LOVE WITH BLAIR THIS WEEK BUT MIGHT BE IN LOVE WITH SERENA NEXT WEEK STORYLINE' because sadly he's the one person who might STILL be in character! (though I maintain firmly so - like my breasts - that Psycho!Nate! would STILL be the best choice)