how about you SATISFY us?

;)

I can't beWEAVE it!

I want take a moment to state that I didn't write ANYTHING. I'm just copy/pasting the love that is Gawker. :D

Really. She's making it too easy on ALL of us; we dont even have to try. We're soon going to be out of a job. For reals!

Actress Taking Fleet Week Way Too Seriously

For you stupid fools that think we're the only ones that make fun of her; here's a dose of that shit called reality:

I mean, we're all taking it pretty seriously. But, c'mon. That's Vanessa from "Gossiping Girlies" at a party somewhere stupid in New York last night

---

"And class, that was the whorus erectus, and over here we have the douchebagian hipsterotopus... "

---

not quite memorial day yet, whitey mcoutfit

---

Hips Ahoy!

---

South Pathetic

---

Dreadnaught! It was smooth sailing after that.

---

Tan much?

---

"Has anybody seen my naval?"

---

Zombie Megan Fox? Seriously though both are trannies

---

"OK, Jess, now turn around so we can see the Dove Go Fresh ad on the back."

---

the piranha haven't eaten her yet?

---

I can't be-weave it.

---

I love that everyone in the background is looking away hoping to find someone more famous or less orange.

---

Wow, that picture has the whole food chain of the celebu-industrial-complex.
-Self important, striving narcissistic half-talent center piece cash machine
-Snooty, self-important, high strung, longing for a decent lay "publicist"
-Fanboys and girls all more interested in the arrival of the dwarf who played a Ferengi in the original Star Trek than the piece of ass right in front of them (hahaha!! and you all think WE are mean!)

---

By the end the night I am sure she was surrounded by navel officers and non-commissioned semen.

---

Siren Lures Sailors to Their Doom, Costars From Their Dudes

---

Buster Brownish-Orange

That's all folks! :D

upfront TALK

Lady Dreadlocks: OMG, did you hear I have a campaign!??
Taylor: Yeah. Whatever. I'm going through my teen angst.
Barbie: My shoes rock I just forgot the clothes. But I'm happy to be here. Yeah. I'm happy.
The Queen: I sport this dominatrix look because I can and I rock at anything and everything. Even as a blonde.
Taylor: Eww. Something touched me.
LD: It's my hair.
Taylor: That's hair? I could sing about this.
Barbie: I'm happy to be here, I'm so happy to be here!
LD: OMG, did you hear I'm going to get eaten by piranhas!??
The Queen: We heard.
Taylor: I'm just going through my teen angst.
Barbie: I'm happy to be here, I'm just so happy to be here!
LD: OMG, did you hear -
The Queen: for fuck's sake, we HEARD!
Tylor: I could sing about this.

LD: OMG, PICTURE TIME!! MONTAGE!
Paparazzi: Yeah, we got you, thanks, person.

LD: ONE MORE, ONE MORE!
Paparazzi: yeah... no, we got you already honey
LD: ONE MORE, ONE MORE!!!!!!

LD: HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? THIS ONE WORKS?
Paparazzi: yeah...
Paparazzi 2: who is she?

The Queen: Since no one is really looking this way; how about I grab your ass?
Barbie: I'm just so happy to be here!

ETA: Because we HAD to add this one. HOW CAN WE NOT???? MONTAGE!!

telling it like it is...

Oh you knew this was coming. With the run-of-the-mouth that continues from LD how can I NOT run with it too? Let me be blunt here (as if I'm never blunt) DOES THIS PERSON EVER JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP??

I mean, really? REALLY? No filter, no NOTHING, just talking and talking until all the reporters LAP IT UP as if she has all this inside knowledge or FURTHERMORE some say in the future of the show.

As if this interview wasn't bad enough we got DOUBLE dose of shit-talk from her that is just NOT what I want to hear first thing on a Saturday morning. Just dont want to fucking hear it! (yes, I blame all of you, whom I love, that emailed me) So because I had to fucking hear it then you all have to hear me bitch about it because that is what I do here. You want self-promotion, LD? I'll give you fucking self promotion!

The video wasn't enough but now you're talking all about the future relationship status of ALL THE GUYS AND the girls of the show?? Look if you didn't believe me that all she does is be used as a catalyst for relationships and you read this interview and you STILL dont get it then you're just swimming against the tide, my friend. That's all you're doing.

We just caught up with Jessica in New York and got the rundown of Vanessa's romantic future. Here's what she spilled:

What's Up With Vanessa and Nate? Jessica tells us that V will get over Nate's dalliance with Blair sooner rather than later. According to Szohr, "Obviously, Vanessa's a little bit hurt because that's her boyfriend, but what comes around goes around, so I'm sure Vanessa will be all right."

ME: .... OBVIOUSLY??? He LEFT you and in the same episode planned a 'magical' duck-induced kiss with his ex-ex-ex-girlfriend. Like, I'm sorry. But I would be offended as a woman if the character I'm portraying which is supposed to be a fierce feminist with high morals and rules bounced back to her former boyfriend who left her in the blink of an eye and didn't even mention her name ONCE. But apparently she's OK with it. Anything that gets you screen time, right Jess?

-----

What About Vanessa and Dan? Could Danessa ever hook up? Jessica tells us, "I don't know if I could see Vanessa and Dan together because now that she's come back and accepted his loving Serena, and he's always there for her through so many things with Nate, I think they're just good friends. I don't know if they'll ever date. But it's Gossip Girl, so..."

ME: Of course not, you wouldn't get as much exposure with this one, I understand, baby. I totally get it. Others dont but I do.

------

Will There Be More Between Vanessa and the Basshole? Jessica tells us, "Vanessa hates Chuck...that's what's fun about it. We'll see." Sounds like there could be more spiciness in store for those two, somewhere down the line...

ME: See?? SEE??? I've had to CONTROL my urge to curse my lungs out, toning down my temper as Cowgirl suggested before I fucking lost it. I dont think she understands the REACTION people had to this pairing. Her proper answer would've been 'I HOPE NOT BECAUSE HE'S IN LOVE WITH BLAIR AND VANESSA WOULD ALWAYS COME AS A FLING. SHE NEEDS A GUY THAT IS ALL ABOUT HER.' Someone give her some fucking publicity lessons if she's going to be interviewed ALL THE FUCKING TIME. THANKS! (I kept it pretty PG, didn't I? It could've been worse.)

-----

What About Vanessa and Lesbianism? Could V ever take up with one of the ladies if she exhausts the local supply of eligible bachelors? (Her sister Ruby is in a lesbian pub band...) "For the ladies? I don't know, maybe she will."

ME: Yes, please. GO AWAY, fuck a girl and like it for fuck's sake. I might probably respect you more since I know you wont be used to fuck up every friendship and relationship like you've historically been known to do.

Now, who's stoked for Monday's Gossip Girl finale?

Quite honestly, after reading her very insightful thoughts on life the only thing I'm excited about Monday is being able to bash my TV in when she shows her face either as Vanessa or in the fucking DOVE commercials. It's a fucking toss up!

NOW I'm calm. Let me get some more fucking coffee, skip the Splenda and go straight for the raw grain.

OMG we're like HAPPY!

You all are too gracious to me. TOO GRACIOUS! I mean, it's too EASY to wank her. I can't handle it! It's the best part of my day!

Let us take a look at the LD interview:

DO YOU SEE WHAT WE MEAN?? Verbal diarrhea! No, not promoting EJ at all. None. Give me a break, baby it's as obvious as your hair.

Now, let us take a close look at Leighton's (all hail the Queen!) face when this is mentioned:

HAHAHAAAA!!!! OH MY GOODNESS! I love it! She seeths for a moment, like us, but then turns a strained smile. Like 'yes, the bitch is all up on my face all the time and I fucking hate it and now you're asking me about it so thanks, dude, go pimp her ship'.

HOTTEST of them all

Yes, Maxim may be that magazine our brothers, boyfriends and husbands just LOVE to read but you know we perked up when they release that HOT 100!!!

The girls made it!!!

Blake at #33 with her blonde-thing going on. I guess men like the Barbie look. I'm much more of a brunette myself for both boys and girls.

MICHELLE!!!! If there was no Leighton (all hail the Queen) in this world you would be our Queen and we would totally be scandalized for you being on #85. But dont worry, there's always next year!!

LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!!!!! Number 12, majesty! LOVE IT! You should've really been #1 but dont worry, we will start a letter writing campaign on your behalf. We're not worthy!

Oh and look at that! LD didn't make it! I'm SUPER surprised! Her people must not be working as overtime as we had anticipated. But dont worry, LD, with the right people and ANOTHER boyfriend you may make it to the list next year. I'm sure you wont disappoint.

maybe PEPTOBISMOL can contract her next!

I have come to correct conclusion that the only reason this person is everywhere is because she has nothing else to do. Ever. I mean. Can you imagine all the free time you would have if you come on set once a week, did your 2 sad scenes and then tagged along with your boyfriend all the time? Yeah. You'd have nothing to do either so you would be all over the place annoying the living HELL out of me until I had to take my digital pen and make little Xs all over the fucking place!

*breathes*

AND - AND - AND!!!!! Does she ever STOP TALKING about the plots??? Ed is always mum about it, Leighton (all hail the Queen) catches herself and I'm still not sure if Blake can talk off camera but Lady D over here CANT STOP TALKING. Give her some oral peptobismol or something!

On the side note SQUEE on the EL pic!!!! That and Taylor and Michelle who are always rocking! Plus Taylor has a bra on this time. Good girl! :D

it's WEB-BORNE!

NEWSBREAK: THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. HUNDREDS OF FANS HAVE RECENTLY BEEN ATTACKED BY RANDOM APPARITIONS OF THE DOVED PROMO THAT AUTHORITIES WARNED ABOUT SOME WEEKS AGO. THE NEW MUTATION OF THE DOVED PROMO IS NOW APPEARING ON WEBSITES WITHOUT ANY SORT OF WARNING. IF ATTACKED THE FANS ARE ENCOURAGED TO QUICKLY CLOSE THEIR BROWSER WINDOW, SAY THE BLAIR WALDORF PRAYER (i am grace kelly, grace kelly is me) AND PROMPTLY BATHE. IF HAIR BEGINS TO CHANGE WITHIN 5-6 DAYS OF SAID ATTACK IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT YOU SHOOT YOURSELF FOR THERE IS NO HOPE LEFT FOR YOU. BATHING WITH PIRANHAS IS THE #1 RECOMMENDED SOLUTION. MORE TO COME AT ELEVEN.

I KNOW! We're STILL shocked that you and Paris Hilton have 'careers'! The weave is still there, as you can see, rolled in some sort of a twist with the dry ends peaking out.

(now you all can't complain that we dont give you enough LD posts)

HAVE DIED

I have DIED laughing. DIED. DIED. OMG, this is SO good, I can't stand it! I haven't laughed like this since the great V defender came with her BOOM BOOM POW!

OH MAN. I'm done. I'm just done.

No, Intel, we're NOT rooting for her. Let her ass get eaten - let the Piranhas choke on the weave.

I can sleep happy now. I have visuals! At least she looks ecstatic to be in camera, let her enjoy her moment.

LMAO!

and make her STUPID!

NOW THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT!!

I expect that even fans of Gossip Girl enjoy watching the show for all the backstabbing and criticism, and therefore don't even mind when a beloved character gets killed off or embarrassed or whatever else happens to rich, pretty people. So correct me if I'm wrong, but you'll be excited to see Jessica Szohr get eaten in Piranha 3D right?

Are you all very stoned??? WE'RE FUCKING ECSTATIC TO SEE HER EATEN!!! OMFG! It's a dream come true! PLEASE make it bloody and as gruesome as possible! Let me know if you need ideas! I have questions, of course. Will she be eaten with or without the weave? Because if it's with the weave I have some environmental concerns. There's other innocent little animals in the water whose life can be endangered by the synthetic hair.

God, this made my semi-sadistic soul happy! Maybe she'll love being a scream-queen and can leave my show alone! *prays*

one way or ANOTHER

Yes. This picture is real. Someone took time out to put it together. You know what this signifies, dont you? WANKING TIME!!!!! OMFG, I love this! I live for this fucking wanking. Because the few that are STILL posting (and not changing their usernames and rooting for Chair) will crack you the fuck up! Are you ready, people?

TIME. TO. WANK. THE FANDOM!!!!!

Let us begin with this thread title; which will go in my top-10 favorite thread titles of all time.

"One day GG will look up on NB and it'll shout SAVE ME. And we'll whisper EFF NO."

ME: Yes. That's how it'll happen. EXACTLY like that! And PLEASE for the love of puppies KEEP THEM COMING! Keep searching through your comic books and keep bringing them!

----

I'm a huge Chair fan, but hearing Nate say those things to Chuck- "I want her!" - was almost enough to make me want Nair.

ME: He also wanted coffee. Do I sense Nate/Coffee coming up? Naffee would be HOT. Literally.

----

and now the Interns over at Kristen

Romana in Cape Coral, Fla.: What can you tell us about the Gossip Girl finale? Chuck and Blair! What else is there to say? OK, how about that the spawn of Rufus and Lily will be played by an unknown—extrapolate from that what you will about said spawn's future on the show. (Of course, nobody had ever heard of Jessica Szohr before G.G., and now she's a big star with endorsement deals and everything.)

ME:.... yes. We knew all about the first part. EVERYONE knows about CB. Starving children in Africa know about this. Now. Let us address the last part because you know we couldn't stay quiet. Big Star? You mean big GUEST STAR, right? Because... that's what she is because BIG stars would be needed in every episode. And you wouldn't realize they were missing until it's over and you ask yourself - "wow... no HOT pink combat boots or random camera violations... I dont think we saw Vanessa today. Hummm... look at that... whatever... Chair was awesome." We wouldn't know since we fast forward through anything that has her face in it we're avoiding her like the swine flu. Stay off the Kool-Aid little interns, for the love of all that is holy and Edwardian.

-----

it's too bad Blair wouldn't end up w/ Nate, because after saw episode 21 & this sneak peak. i think Nate trully in love w/Blair. He bought an apartment near NYU & Colombia just because Blair won't take the subway and then he said he want her out loud. he never do that w/ serena, jenny even vanessa. :(

ME: ... one should not do that with ANYONE at the age of 18 most especially someone you haven't talked to in 17 episodes. Most especially someone like that.

----

N deserves B way more than C.

ME: ...

----

OMG! I am a Chair fan but I am kinda tilting to the Nate-Blair thing! "I want her!" WAAAAAAAAY too sweet!!

ME: OMG! You're an idiot!

----

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was soo hot!!! nate looks amazingly sexy when he's like that!! make him like thet every week and blair will stay with him forever!
GO NAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME: ... I just... I'm going to just go away now because you scare me. K?

----

nate and blair shud b 2gther, blair, wakeup! nate's the ryt 1 4 u always, he knws wat he wants and its blair. nate really luvs blair, chuck cudnt even say ily 2 her, b gave hm al0t of chance but wat hppen? the bass blew her off. s0 blair shud b wid nate. im chuck bass is not applicble n0w.

ME: I hate when they go all algebraic equation on me; maybe I'm too fucking old but can someone translate this Sumerian please?

----

I completely agree with you, xx-stupid-person-too-xx. Nate has been the most inconsistent character on GG since day one. That's why I love this clip because it shows such growth.

ME: Yes this makes sense. Considering he's inconsistent and hardly speaks ANYTHING he says, does, or eats can be considered character growth. Including any physical attributes like bangs. Those grow too.

----

It's stupid to see the Chair fans trying to convince themselves that people don't like Nair. You guys got so blind with an idealistc beautiful romance that doesn't even actually exist between Chuck and Blair - it gets on the nerves. I'm posting here for the first time and u guys should just accept that Nair is getting stronger and it breaks my heart to know that the season will end with Chair. I just hope Chuck actually man up and don't ruin Blair and Nate's prom.

ME: Yeah. I have nothing left to say to this crappery. Because Nair is as strong as nails under post-traumatic stress cause by acrylic. It's as strong as that.

----

if you would read our older posts then you would know that we have already theorized how Serena would react. She wouldn't be upset because she would not have those feelings for Dan anymore because now he is more like a brother to her. However she still knows what a great guy he is and knows how upset Blair is going to be when Chuck leaves her AGAIN, that she will be the one to bring them closer together. Serena will see the potential they have and give them the little push that they need. It's common fact that B and D won't get together on their own because they will be too embarassed with their own feelings.
I am not even going to comment on Chuck because he will move on easily. The only person I feel bad for is Nate in this situation.

ME: So this is pro-Dair, right? Yeah, you're going to have to move A LOT of shit around for this little theory to fall into place. You'll have to remove ENTIRE CHUNKS of personality traits for BOTH Dan and Blair (AND Serena, oh AND Chuck) for this little theory to work. That's a lot of lifting and moving. Here, have a napkin. Wipe your sweat.

----

I agree with this thread omg Ed has NO talent whatsoever he has no facial
expression expect pout his lips and flare his huge nostirls THATS IT his only emotions is pout when guilt/sad and flaring when mad/"planning sumthing" and he smiles liek a a creeper... i never seen a genuine smile from tht guy... GOD hes horrible ... everyonne else on the cast has exprience and actully YES chace is actully a good actor at least he trying i mean i thought haunting of molly was good and he was good in covenant too but yea Ed no exprience no talent dont believe me wikipedia the cast thier all in good movies expect ed

ME: I have nothing to say, your honor. The people have spoken. And too fucking much, if you ask me.

For fuck's sake, please keep sending them in, I LOVE these statements because you know one way or another...

we're more dangerous than SHOTGUNS

I believe it's no secret that here at the Kool-Aid LOVE loving our peeps. Our peeps being Eddie, Leighton (all hail the queen!) and some others here and there. But yeah. It's mostly those two. So here it goes.

Apparently there was a costume gala. People could dress up as others, like a low-key Halloween party or a night to show off couture. As we've discussed Blake came as a siren (and Penn was her plus one, he makes an excellent +1). Ed came as James Bond. He's gone from HOT MESS to leaving US a HOTMESS. Props to him. Stay on target, McEddie!

Leighton (all hail the Queen!) came as Gretel but I suspect foul play from the corner of Lady Dreadlocks who left the bra and took the weave - at least she left the cannoli home too.

Yeah. Total foul play. At least the thing fits which is more than we can say about Lady Dreadlocks and the case of the missing brassiere/double-sided tape. I do love the Shirley Temple hair and Vuitton did a stellar job of fitting the chest area. But Leighton herself looked beautiful, as if she could look anything else! That's couture for you.

she was HIGH while getting dressed

.... I mean... she's not even trying now. She's not. I dont know where to begin. The organic tunic, the rastafarian weave, the cut-out boy short used to hold it, the dirty fingers... I dont know where to even begin.

Like really. If Ed ACCIDENTALLY kisses a homeless person in the street we really can't blame him. I've seen cleaner looking hobos in the streets. And they really expect me to buy the body wash she's promoting? How does this make sense? In what universe? Usually when you get contracted to be the face of a product you have to abide by certain guidelines (you know, like bathing and combing one's hair) but they're just letting her run free. If you had not been convinced to change your Dove products yet I hope this changes your mind.

I feel itchy. And dirty. And wondering what parts of the weave have fallen in the beer.

At least Ed looked amazing. We would've go on on Lady Dreadlocks but Ed takes the cake as he... encourages our imagination. I mean... where does the hand go to get warm?

the age of BROMANCE

This can't be happening. This just can't. Make it be a rumor. I just CANT handle it. I mean, I've been handling no Leighted like a big girl but I CANT HANDLE THE END OF CHASED. I just can't. You're going to have to fucking hook me to an IV or something because no amount of Chair kisses can justify this!

You know if they really break up I'm blaming LD 100%. Like it'll ALL be her fault. And you wont be able to convince me. She's doing a Yoko-Ono!

*breathes*

Chace Crawford, who plays Nate Archibald on Gossip Girl, has reportedly grown tired of living and working with Ed Westwick, who portrays Chuck Bass on The CW series. According to the New York Post, Crawford is moving out of the New York apartment he shares his Gossip Girl co-star and he's on the lookout for his own bachelor pad.

Crawford and Westwick have been real-life roommates since moving to the Big Apple for Gossip Girl, and have been living under one roof in Manhattan's Chelsea district since the series began airing in 2007.

Now, Crawford is looking for his own space.

"Chace wants to move out to a bachelor pad. He wants privacy and has told his agent to spare no expense in finding the perfect loft," a source told the New York Post, adding that Crawford wants to live "downtown, in a secure building with a doorman."

Reps for Westwick and Crawford have yet to comment on the news.

At present, Crawford is busy filming the movie Twelve, a drama about a high school dropout-turned-drug dealer whose lucrative life takes a dramatic turn in the wake of his cousin's murder on an East Harlem playground while his best friend is arrested for the crime. The Gossip Girl actor will star alongside Kiefer Sutherland, Emma Roberts and Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson.

Production for Twelve already kicked off on April 20 in New York under the direction of Joel Schumacher.

Westwick can currently be seen in S. Darko, a mystery thriller set seven years after the first Donnie Darko film, when little sister Samantha Darko and her best friend Corey are now 18 and on a road trip to Los Angeles when they are plagued by bizarre visions.

Thanks, NY Post, you're on the fucking Kool-Aid today

Who's going to be Ed's bitch?? This is just right down fucking depressing.

the bitch in the lewinsky DRESS

We need to ask a humble and honest question here. Have we ever, in the one-month history of this blog, ever held ANYTHING but disdain and disgust for Lady Dreadlocks? HAVE WE? I mean, you all got the fucking memo, didn't you? You all KNOW this, right? You all know that this is not a JessicaZzzzz fansite at all, right? RIGHT? I thought so. I fucking thought so. I mean, we're mounting a PETITION to get her off my screen. I don't know how clearer that can be. So imagine us fucking SURPRISED when we get contacted by the marketing company that is coordinating The CW and Dove campaign featuring our lady friend here asking to us to PARTICIPATE in this most appalling act of Satan. I mean... we made a post about it. We warned you all, didn't we? Yes, we fucking did! We SAVED most of you from having to iron plastic hair for the rest of your lives! I mean, this is no fucking secret.

So we get contacted, asking us to participate in the promotion of this and what not. Now, we've never claimed to be anything other than BITCHES. Yes, this is what we are. WE are the crazy bitches around here and you either fucking love us or fucking hate us. That's quite alright. We happen to fucking love ourselves and pride ourselves in being Kool-Aid free. On that note. This was our response to the request received:

Hello, xxmarketingpersonxx!

So listen, I know you’re not to blame because it's not you who chose to do this but we have to say that we’re VERY surprised at receiving this. If you’ve read ANY of our posts in our website you would know that we are on a mission to have Jessica Szohr’s character, Vanessa, REMOVED from the show.

We have already encouraged our readers to discontinue the use of DOVE products IMMEDIATELY as we are VERY concerned that they will begin resembling Ms. Szohr’s appearance. We are also amounting a petition signed by the fans requesting the writers of the show to write Vanessa's character off.

Oh and Jessica is not the star of the show. She’s lucky if she gets one line and a facial expression an episode. If not that, then she has to screw the male star in order to ride him on screen with no sense of purpose to the plot. So she, in actuality, is the bane of our existence. Her character has ruined half our storylines and the fandom, at large, HATES her. And not in a good way. Compile this and the producers incessant need to shove her in our faces, like this DOVE campaign is doing, doesn't help.

So if you’re suggesting something to your client it would be that not only do they contract someone who doesn’t wear cheap Tahitian weaves for a living but someone who we actually like and inspire to look like. This is cannot be the face of DOVE. It’s insulting. I’m appalled for a brand I used to respect and now I have no choice but to search for a new deodorant. I heard Secret was awesome.

I would also like to volunteer my complimentary bottle of soap to the actual actresses since she often has nothing to bathe with before she appears on the red carpet. I hand it over. It’ll be a tax deductible.

But thank you for your time. I’ll be more than happy to pass your message along to our readers!

xoxo, The Kool-Aid Girls

p.s. – also, if you also secretly hate her too you’re welcomed to sign the petition – we won’t tell anyone!

http://www.petitiononline.com/nomorev/petition.html

Let it not be said that KAG sold its soul for the money. We mean EVERYTHING we say and we mean it with conviction. Not because it started out this way but because the same show we're so very hard on it's the same show that inspired us to believe in this great story. That, like Chuck in S1, we will be persistent. We have our eye on the prize and that is a damn good story. Vanessa? She gets in our fucking way and JS plays her. Plus we hate her. It's just that simple, no ulterior motive. I'm not hiding behind anything other than my pure dislike for her.

Now. If up until this point you didn't really believe we were THAT bad I do hope this served to change your mind. PEACE OUT. And switch to SECRET.

dont you wish your fandom had a BITCH like me?

GUESS WHO'S BACK??????

It's Inca, bitch! Inca is back and you know you motherfucking missed me! God it feels good to post again, I've missed it like I miss Blair with blood circulation! So what do I have for you all? I have a lot of motherfucking shit. Trust me, after two days surrounded by family I'm bitchier than ever so WATCH OUT!

Ok. You know what I'm addressing, dont you? That's right! WANKINGS! I love the wankings, man! And OMFG, I'm gone for two days and we're at 442!!!! YES!! You all are awesome, spreading the news!

So we have a new episode tonight and half the fandom's read about it and seen the important parts ;) There's mixed reviews, people see some good things with it others dont. I dont fucking care I just want to wank stupidity, that's what I'm here for. I fucking LOVE stupidity. Here we go!

Even though the epi sounds lame, I'm glad there is lots of NB screen time and minimal chuck, the way I see it, this show is crap no matter what. I might as well just watch it muted and absorb the pretty.

ME: heh. I dont know how to respond to this particular brand of shit. I mean... she's watching it on MUTE and will absorb the PRETTY. Like... I can't even BEGIN to tell you how lame that is. I mean... you can't handle the words coming out of their mouths? You can't handle Blair running around frazzled and attempting to manipulate Nate AGAIN behind his back? Really? Really? Yeah, us either. Come here, bitch let me give you a hug. There's hope for you still.

-------

Still can't believe the awesome NB we got, so many scenes!


ME: I dont think she gets it. Like it went right OVER her head, broke through the wall behind her and is currently running down the street. Let us all wave goodbye to THE point.

--------

yah, Im excited about that, even though the show is crap this season and crummily written I support NB scenes, even if they arent up the potential they can be. That goes for any ship on this show at this point, its like everything is a continuous merry go round, PATHETIC

ME: .... You think? You fucking THINK? What do you think we've been saying ALL along? You think I type here for my health? I think this one might've switched from grape flavored Kool-Aid to cherry flavored Kool-Aid. It's a nice progression.

--------

I used to be a HUGE chair fan, and I will admit, the fandom drove me away, awhile into the second season, I become a huge fan of both Blake and Jessica, and only then did it hit me that the majority of the hate towards both of them came from chair fans, and when it came out that Jessica was dating Ed, bleugh, the way things C/B fans called her and said about her made me LOATHE the fandom, I stopped watching GG altogether for awhile too, but then I found Bleighton_Squee and I love it there, the community is hilarious without the undertone of malice that sites like GGkoolaid have.

ME: Look, if the fandom is what fucking drove you AWAY from your ship then I dont even think you can handle fandom like the OTH one - those fuckers are out of control. I dont hate Blake so you can count me off the list. That's got to be a point in my motherfucking favor, no? :D Dont worry, we stopped watching TV too for a while there so look all the things we have in common!! And we're TOTALLY malicious, baby, we dont even try to keep it down. It's ALL very clear. We fucking hate her like everyone does and is afraid of saying it. We agree on so many things we should make-out! Bleachers at seven? Seven-thirty? You name the time and I'll be there. Bring a friend.

---------

Y'know why? Because *SOME* of us have the abilty to tell the diffrence between a fictional charactor and a real life actress, who just happens to be bubbly,sweet and gorgeouse, not that any of you haters would know, since you all just decided to hate her without giving her a chance.

ME: You see, this is what I say about the fuckers who LOVED CV because of EJ's real life 'chemistry'. If they can say that then I can fucking hate her. And I HAVE given her PLENTY of motherfucking chances. When I say she can't fucking act it's a fucking fact. And that's that. NEXT!

----------

on the DVD cover
I wish Elle was on the cover though. Can you imagine how hot this would be if Chuck were flanked by his two love interests (Elle and Vanessa)? Nate and Blair should be next to each other too. Major oversight. Nate and Blair are the most popular pairing on television in the last 5 years. I would have thought the CW would have been smart enough to take advantage of that. Guess I gave them too much credit.

ME: ... someone pass her some Kool-Aid, she didn't get her required daily dose. Like I've said. You can't make this shit up. You just CANT.

----------

NB'er - I'm debating on watching the NC scene bc watching chuck throw a pity party full of hypocrisy might make me hurl

CB'er - Hypocrisy is the act of professing beliefs that are contrary to one's actual behavior.
Chuck telling Nate that Blair has changed because she chose Nate is not in any way hypocritical. Nate telling Vanessa off because she is like Blair Waldorf and then proceeding to date Blair himself is, in fact, hypocritical.

ME: PASS THE HOBOCORN!!! God, this was good, like watching a lifetime motherfucking movie or something! I wanted there to be like hair pulling or something, maybe some nails involved. You know I've decided to make a formal announcement.

For the finale, we here at the Kool-Aid, will be providing corners. Yes, corners. Corners so that all you stupid fucks who lived in denial through this entire time can go there and CRY. WE will bring the corners, you bring the motherfucking tears.

How you like them wankings? I think I've still got 'it'. And fuck! I wanted to do the Confused Faces of Nathaniel Archibald post! Cowgirl! Wait... what am I saying? There's PLENTY of material for a round 2!!!!

doing NOTHING pays off!

Apparently we were able to find Lady Dreadlocks' family members. Bad hair weave, random bandannas and get screentime even though they don't do anything. See, LD??? Now you can hang out with your own family all the time. THUMBS UP!

I'm very sad because now I have to change my deodorant. I used to use DOVE but I'm afraid of what will happen if I continue using it. I can't go around like this, I have a mortgage, a boyfriend and a job to keep. This is just Kool-Aid inspired advertising. I suggest you CHANGE all of your DOVE products IMMEDIATELY!! I'm very concerned about some of you - especially those of you who use the hair products. Put them the FUCK down. Like now.

In case you're doubting it let me remind you of a few disturbing images:

Let this be a cautionary tale - I know the FDA hasn't released a statement yet but I believe in preemptive measures.

judge not the COVER... maybe a little bit

NEWSBREAK: TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN ON THE GOSSIP GIRL MARKETING DEPARTMENT AS THEY HAVE RELEASED THE COVER OF THE NEW SEASON 2 DVD COLLECTION. OFFICIALS HAVE CONFIRMED THAT THE ENTIRE STAFF WAS HIGH ON KOOL-AID AND SEVERAL ARREST HAVE BEEN MADE. MORE TO COME AT ELEVEN.

So. For the casual person who runs into our DVD at Target they can deduce the following information about Gossip Girl in general. For one Dan is in the middle of a questionably triangle between Blair and Jenny. And they say we have no scandal. Serena and Nate shared screentime this season together. Chuck and Hobo-Barista must've been a pre-planned large arc that will have you at the edge of your seat (with a bucket between your knees for the puke) and Chuck at least fondled Nate at one point or another (yes, Nate was confused. But kinda liked it.)

Oh and yeah... my cover came with a little 'defect'. *looks innocent* What?? I have a plan! I bought some markers and will break into Target the night before they're released. Do a favor to humanity and X out Lady Dreadlock's face from the covers. I may even get a humanitarian award! :D

FUGnessa

So the wrap party arrivals left us with something to say. Something nice. Something bitchy, something right down mean but I feel that if WE dont say it the rest of you will not. So here it goes. Our girl-crush on Michelle continues as she arrived flawless and elegant, not even bothering to look at the camera because she's the old pro ;)

She looks perfection, I'd go lesbian for her for sure. Then we have to also praise Nicole, who even though she has less screentime than LaJessica she looks so very pretty with fresh bouncy curls that make us want to touch them.

And then comes what you all were waiting for. The WANKING. Because this cannot go unmentioned. I mean. I hardly have to say ANYTHING because this guy's reaction said it all for me. He is a CONCERNED citizen, mind you. He's scared right out of his mind that she would do this to a poor animal and attempt to get away with it and then freshly saying hello to the camera without any concern for others.

You see???? It's not just us! It's people all around, too scared to say anything because they dont know what secret powers those dreads have. I mean - they're LONG. They can totally come alive and strangle him if he stared too long. PLUS, they're holding on by this 'headband' (and WTF, bitch, that's such a BLAIR thing - stop trying to be BLAIR!) made out of the carcass of a dead rat. It's all very frightening and this man is clearly concerned.

But that's cause he hasn't seen the feet. The feet take the motherfucking cake.

Yes. That is a prison tattoo. Yes, her toe nails are not painted and slightly tinted yellow. Your honor. I rest my case. I have nothing more to say. I'm just pointing out the evidence. I mean - you're in SHOW BUSINESS! PEOPLE WILL LOOK AT YOUR TOES! They will photograph them with high resolution cameras! Have them painted, even on the limo on your way there! Chose a different weave, how about going with your ACTUAL hair that has been shown in a positive light in the show?? WHY THE WEAVE??? LEAVE THE WEAVE ALONE! The weave scares me SO much, you all have no idea, I just think of all the shedding it does all the time and I of bits falling into food and drink. I get scared. It's not sanitary.

Now. Who's grossed out?

when you dont have to GOOGLE the mag cover

You feel better now? Because I feel like I dont have to say not one more thing. You took the words and the anger right out of me and now I'm like either mellow or numb. So. On GOOD NEWS! And wait for it, you all will LOVE this! My new copy of LUCKY arrived and OMFG, an actual actress is on the cover!! ###party### Look, I knew you all wouldn't believe me!

I KNOW!! SOMEONE WHO HAS ACTUALLY DONE SOMETHING OTHER THAN PIMP HER MAN! I'M SO EXCITED! I think I'm going to actually read this one!