GROWL if you love it

NEWSBREAK: STUDIOS HAVE GREEN-LIT THE WOLVERINE PREQUEL STARTING PENN BADGLEY AS A YOUNG WOLVERINE. PENN HAS ALREADY BEGUN TO LET AS MUCH HAIR GROW EVERYWHERE IN ORDER TO LOOK THE PART OF THE YOUNG HUGH JACKMAN. MORE TO COME AT 11.

Usually we're quite OK with Penny; he stays in his corner and plays the girlfriend to the Barbie. We're quite fine with this but lately Penny has been looking on HOT MESS and in a bad way. We were STUNNED that he showed up as such to the Gala.

Yes, we're horrified. But apparently Penny believes himself to be the next young Wolverine. Props to him, just dont let Barbie believe that she'll be a young mistique, we see quite enough of her ladies as it is. I mean, I do feel sorry for the guy. He started out being the hearthrob of the show and lately he... let us just say that we forgot he was in the previous 2 episodes. Which makes it sad. If we gave a fuck. It's got to be though being in the shadow of Chuck Bass. I would start letting hair grow too.

it's WEB-BORNE!

NEWSBREAK: THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. HUNDREDS OF FANS HAVE RECENTLY BEEN ATTACKED BY RANDOM APPARITIONS OF THE DOVED PROMO THAT AUTHORITIES WARNED ABOUT SOME WEEKS AGO. THE NEW MUTATION OF THE DOVED PROMO IS NOW APPEARING ON WEBSITES WITHOUT ANY SORT OF WARNING. IF ATTACKED THE FANS ARE ENCOURAGED TO QUICKLY CLOSE THEIR BROWSER WINDOW, SAY THE BLAIR WALDORF PRAYER (i am grace kelly, grace kelly is me) AND PROMPTLY BATHE. IF HAIR BEGINS TO CHANGE WITHIN 5-6 DAYS OF SAID ATTACK IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT YOU SHOOT YOURSELF FOR THERE IS NO HOPE LEFT FOR YOU. BATHING WITH PIRANHAS IS THE #1 RECOMMENDED SOLUTION. MORE TO COME AT ELEVEN.

I KNOW! We're STILL shocked that you and Paris Hilton have 'careers'! The weave is still there, as you can see, rolled in some sort of a twist with the dry ends peaking out.

(now you all can't complain that we dont give you enough LD posts)

in the face of TRUE LOVE

NEWSBREAK: FANDOM SOCIALITES COWGIRL AND GOSSIP GUY HAVE FORMALLY ANNOUNCED THEIR ENGAGEMENT EARLY THIS MORNING. THE TWO HAVE BEEN SHARING A SECRET AND EXTREMELY SCANDALOUS AFFAIR FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS AND HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO INFORM THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ABOUT THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT.

Serious, how can we NOT want to marry him? The things that he says are swoon worthy and so darling that I'm ready to be one of those crazy bitches that buys her wedding dress before she finds the damn groom. Only I have found him so it's totally OK to buy a dress, right GG?

Let us take a moment and look back in time to the moments we just knew it was meant to be.

5. How will Chuck react to seeing Nate and Blair at the prom?
Gossip Guy: Probably with a couple of classic Chuck brooding stares, but Gossip Girl spoilers suggest he won't take any action. You're killing me Chuck.

1. What was your favorite Gossip Girl quote from the episode?
Gossip Guy: It may be the Chair fan in me, but I got all giddy through the whole scene where Chuck and Blair met up while she was spying. We'll give the best quote to Chuck Bass for noticing the beret and immediately asking who she's spying on.

3. Harder to believe: The distance between NYU and Columbia constituting a long-distance relationship, Lily and friends forking over cash in minutes in this economy, or any scene involving Vanessa?
Gossip Guy: Phew. I thought I was going to have to think about this and then you gave me the easy out. Definitely the useless Vanessa. Did we really need her pointless "I Never" scene? Ooh, she made the big reveal about Rufus not having enough money to send Dan to school. Big whoop. He knew that, retard. Did you not hear about his catering job?

5. Should Blair move in with Nate?
Gossip Guy: No way! Blair held Chuck's hand while they slept in the limo and that was way hotter than all her moments with Nate combined.

5. Will Chuck and Vanessa hook up again?
Gossip Guy: Excuse me, I had to just swallow the vomit that almost came up.

3. Do you feel bad for Vanessa?
Gossip Guy: Seriously? Next question.

4. Should Chuck have done as requested when Blair said "take me now," or did he handle the situation correctly?
Gossip Guy: Chuck, I admire that you were trying to do the right thing but you are a better man than I. Idiot.

2. Nate and Vanessa: Kind of cute, totally useless or both?
Gossip Guy: Totally useless. Personally I thought Nate was being cute with the little joke of sending the mask, but I think when you send it to Vanessa all humor and cuteness instantly convert to uselessness.

2. Can Derena's romance survive the love child twist?
Gossip Guy: You kidding me? Their love can't survive a little murder, their parents being former lovers, or a gust of wind. How are they possibly supposed to survive sharing a half-brother?

you can POKE it, STAB it, BURN it and HATE it

NEWSBREAK: THE HUNT FOR THE NATHANIEL ARCHIBALD DOLLS CONTINUES AS STORES SELL OUT AT ALARMING RATES! PEOPLE CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM, CHILDREN WANT THEM, THEY'RE THE PERFECT STOCKING-STUFFER! THE CITY IS NEARLY COMPLETELY SOLD OUT AND MOST PEOPLE WILL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL A NEW SHIPMENT ARRIVES NEXT WEEK. MORE DETAILS AT 11.

Honestly. I want a motherfucking NATE DOLL that I can stab and burn it as HE proceeds to tell MY Chuck to stay away from HIS Blair (and by HIS I mean Chuck). Motherfucker! Go poke someone else! God, I want there to be a fight between them! They need to fight it out in the mud :D like Big and Aidan did and that went AWESOMELY after it.

I honestly dont know WHY the writers are making Nate to be the very bad guy here, I dont fucking care. Maybe Chace asked for an edge. If he wants an edge I will make sure to shove my Nate Doll off one. I PROMISE.

judge not the COVER... maybe a little bit

NEWSBREAK: TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN ON THE GOSSIP GIRL MARKETING DEPARTMENT AS THEY HAVE RELEASED THE COVER OF THE NEW SEASON 2 DVD COLLECTION. OFFICIALS HAVE CONFIRMED THAT THE ENTIRE STAFF WAS HIGH ON KOOL-AID AND SEVERAL ARREST HAVE BEEN MADE. MORE TO COME AT ELEVEN.

So. For the casual person who runs into our DVD at Target they can deduce the following information about Gossip Girl in general. For one Dan is in the middle of a questionably triangle between Blair and Jenny. And they say we have no scandal. Serena and Nate shared screentime this season together. Chuck and Hobo-Barista must've been a pre-planned large arc that will have you at the edge of your seat (with a bucket between your knees for the puke) and Chuck at least fondled Nate at one point or another (yes, Nate was confused. But kinda liked it.)

Oh and yeah... my cover came with a little 'defect'. *looks innocent* What?? I have a plan! I bought some markers and will break into Target the night before they're released. Do a favor to humanity and X out Lady Dreadlock's face from the covers. I may even get a humanitarian award! :D

new show name: COFFEE GURL. PLAYAH.

NEWSBREAK: CITY OFFICIALS HAVE RELEASED A STATEMENT FOR THE GENERAL PUBLIC TO BE AWARE OF THE CURRENT DANGER THREATENING THE FANDOM. A LOOSE CRAZY FAN CONTINUES HER RAMPAGE, NO ONE IS SAFE MOST ESPECIALLY BLAIR WALDORF WHO IS IN SERIOUS, SERIOUS, SERIOUS DANGER OF BEING WRITTEN OFF FROM HER OWN TV SHOW. THE ADVANTAGE OF SAID ACTION WILL OPEN THE DOORS FOR VANESSA TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO SHINE AND TAKE OVER THE SHOW AS MANY HAVE WANTED. WE WILL KEEP YOU POSTED WITH FURTHER DETAILS AS THIS STORY CONTINUES TO DEVELOP.

"okay WHAT THE FUCK get a life much? I declare a petition and some shitbags named Koolaid make fun about it? You wont be laughing when i post the petition because blair is 10xxx annoying than lady V. She is rotten spoiled conceited immature heck SHE is the hypocrete herself! she can do shit to other people but it can never hit on her flat white girl butt. i dont even see how people like her, if anything vanessa is much more relating to the bulk of the fandom and reality because she is middle class and independent, not always doing shit with benjamens and honest abes she MAKES her honest abes so V keep on pouring that coffee in our cups and strenghtening your artistic career for there ARE real fans out there who admire your presence and enough with the mary sue shit if anything serena is the ultimate mary sue i need not have to explain that shit its so clear as night and day you want a petition? just watch me, ignorant fucktards."

UPDATE ON THE NEWSBREAK: OFFICIALS ARE PLEASED TO SAY THAT THE WILD FAN HAS TURNED THEMSELVES IN AND LEFT US WITH THIS STATEMENT:

you know i thought about it and only losers tend to waste their time like this so i will take the maturer side and NOT start the petition though beware that your little plan is worth a dime to those writers since vanessa was there for a REASON and that was to be the bug of all things perfect and without her the show would be heavenly boring so just give it up 270 people my ass i bet u all invited your hillybilly cousins

the real reason why u all hate miss V is that she reminds u SO much of yourself since REALITY CHECK u are not as rich as your idol miss blair and the others so V tends to make u feel sad about your life and therefore you develop an unjustly hate. so gtfo and make some sense u have inspired me to never do anything STUPID

OFFICIALS HAVE ADVISED BLAIR WALDORF THAT IT IS NOW SAFE FOR HER TO CONSUME COFFEE. THIS IS COWGIRL THE BITCH FOR KOOL-AID NEWS. (YEE-HAW!)

have you had your daily dose of ARCHIPAM?

WARNING: WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO WITNESS IS REAL AND MAY SHOCK AND DISTURB SOME OF YOU.

NEWSBREAK: OFFICIALS AT THE CW HAVE RELEASED A CONFIRMATION THAT NATHANIEL ARCHIBALD IS INDEED A DOUCHEBAG. THEY HAVE RELEASED SPECIAL FOOTAGE THAT SHOWS INCRIMINATING EVIDENCE THAT THIS MAN CANNOT BE TRUSTED. IF YOU SHOULD SPOT NATHANIEL ARCHIBALD AUTHORITIES ARE ASKING THE GENERAL PUBLIC TO GO AHEAD, PROCEED WITH CAUTION THEN SMACK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM. MORE DETAILS TO COME AT 11.

Now. Who can provide me with people still defending him as a response to this? Please send it in, I need more evidence that the Kool-Aid is still alive and well in the Fandom!

flies against ALL that is holy to us

NEWSBREAK: THE CITY IS STUNNED AS OFFICIALS ANNOUNCE THAT THE WATER SHORTAGE LEVELS HAVE REACHED CRITICAL HEIGHTS. BE WARNED THAT CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS HAVE BEEN SEEN ROAMING THE STREETS. SUCH INDIVIDUALS THOUGH NOT CONSIDERED DANGEROUS ARE HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS. MORE TO COME AT ELEVEN.

OK. I WASN'T going to do this since Eddie made us so very happy today but REALLY. REALLY? REALLY! How can I not AT LEAST post the picture! He's out of control! First a kilt, then all 'European' and now he's channeling Carter Bazien - pre Mr. Leighton Meester status? So I ask you. How can I NOT??

I personally suspect that Lady Dreadlocks is the instigator behind this mess so I'm blaming it on her along with everything that has ever gone wrong in our lives. KOOL-AIDER!!

p.s. fandom wanking is coming shortly. You'll LOVE this one ;)

NEWSBREAK: WATER SHORTAGE IN MANHATTAN!!

NEWS BRIEF: NEW YORKERS ARE SCANDALIZED AS THE CITY OFFICIALS ANNOUNCED THIS MORNING THE FIRST WATER SHORTAGE IN DECADES. 'YORKERS' HAVE SIGHTED VARIOUS STARS OUT AND ABOUT TOWN, POSING FOR PHOTOS LOOKING A GREASY MESS THAT SHOULD HAVE THE FUG GIRLS TWITCHING.

Further details to come.

Apparently Mr. Grosswick's LADY DREADLOCKS-inspired contamination continues, we here at the Kool-Aid are very worried as we remember times when we wanted to lick his pink nipple. Observe non-greasy Sexwick as we present 'THIS IS YOUR ED OFF-JESS'

Better huh? Yes, we agree! We'd do him in an English second which are apparently longer than American seconds.

As for Mr. Leighton Meester (long live the Queen!) he's getting greasier by the b-lister minute! Either both of the boys just rolled out of bed (together??) or they just finished sweating it out over Leighton (long live the Queen!). We'd take either choice. Now, can we expect pictures of the boys bathing? Maybe together? Maybe with THE QUEEN? I'd take them!

And DONT EXCUSE (yes, you who was already ranting) him and say things like 'HE'S JUST BRITISH' because baby, as much as we love some of you in denial that's not BRITISH. That's DIRTY. Here, have some KOOL-AID.