turn up the HEAT

Apparently someone if OFF the Kool-Aid as this AWESOME full-page ad comes out in HEAT magazine. Yes, stop staring at the Winchester boys for a moment and shake off the visual of a Dean/Blair/Chuck/Sam foursome off your brain, ok? Are you with me?

Good.

THIS is how to promote a season. Hell, if I just saw this and hadn't seen any of S2 I would rush to the stores to get me a copy!

Makes me want to buy the magazine just because!

AND to seal the matter and make us want to move to UK, this is apparently the cover of Season 2 Part 2 of the GG DVD set. Congrats, UK - you all are off the Kool-Aid!!!

the bitch in the lewinsky DRESS

We need to ask a humble and honest question here. Have we ever, in the one-month history of this blog, ever held ANYTHING but disdain and disgust for Lady Dreadlocks? HAVE WE? I mean, you all got the fucking memo, didn't you? You all KNOW this, right? You all know that this is not a JessicaZzzzz fansite at all, right? RIGHT? I thought so. I fucking thought so. I mean, we're mounting a PETITION to get her off my screen. I don't know how clearer that can be. So imagine us fucking SURPRISED when we get contacted by the marketing company that is coordinating The CW and Dove campaign featuring our lady friend here asking to us to PARTICIPATE in this most appalling act of Satan. I mean... we made a post about it. We warned you all, didn't we? Yes, we fucking did! We SAVED most of you from having to iron plastic hair for the rest of your lives! I mean, this is no fucking secret.

So we get contacted, asking us to participate in the promotion of this and what not. Now, we've never claimed to be anything other than BITCHES. Yes, this is what we are. WE are the crazy bitches around here and you either fucking love us or fucking hate us. That's quite alright. We happen to fucking love ourselves and pride ourselves in being Kool-Aid free. On that note. This was our response to the request received:

Hello, xxmarketingpersonxx!

So listen, I know you’re not to blame because it's not you who chose to do this but we have to say that we’re VERY surprised at receiving this. If you’ve read ANY of our posts in our website you would know that we are on a mission to have Jessica Szohr’s character, Vanessa, REMOVED from the show.

We have already encouraged our readers to discontinue the use of DOVE products IMMEDIATELY as we are VERY concerned that they will begin resembling Ms. Szohr’s appearance. We are also amounting a petition signed by the fans requesting the writers of the show to write Vanessa's character off.

Oh and Jessica is not the star of the show. She’s lucky if she gets one line and a facial expression an episode. If not that, then she has to screw the male star in order to ride him on screen with no sense of purpose to the plot. So she, in actuality, is the bane of our existence. Her character has ruined half our storylines and the fandom, at large, HATES her. And not in a good way. Compile this and the producers incessant need to shove her in our faces, like this DOVE campaign is doing, doesn't help.

So if you’re suggesting something to your client it would be that not only do they contract someone who doesn’t wear cheap Tahitian weaves for a living but someone who we actually like and inspire to look like. This is cannot be the face of DOVE. It’s insulting. I’m appalled for a brand I used to respect and now I have no choice but to search for a new deodorant. I heard Secret was awesome.

I would also like to volunteer my complimentary bottle of soap to the actual actresses since she often has nothing to bathe with before she appears on the red carpet. I hand it over. It’ll be a tax deductible.

But thank you for your time. I’ll be more than happy to pass your message along to our readers!

xoxo, The Kool-Aid Girls

p.s. – also, if you also secretly hate her too you’re welcomed to sign the petition – we won’t tell anyone!

http://www.petitiononline.com/nomorev/petition.html

Let it not be said that KAG sold its soul for the money. We mean EVERYTHING we say and we mean it with conviction. Not because it started out this way but because the same show we're so very hard on it's the same show that inspired us to believe in this great story. That, like Chuck in S1, we will be persistent. We have our eye on the prize and that is a damn good story. Vanessa? She gets in our fucking way and JS plays her. Plus we hate her. It's just that simple, no ulterior motive. I'm not hiding behind anything other than my pure dislike for her.

Now. If up until this point you didn't really believe we were THAT bad I do hope this served to change your mind. PEACE OUT. And switch to SECRET.

we fix DVD covers

YOU ALL ARE TOO GOOD TO US! This is a better cover, a much better one. Thank you!

I have a quick-wank. I tiny one but enjoyable none the less :D

I am so conflicted. I don't know whether to root for BC or BN.

B and C would make the perfect couple. (NO!!!!! You know what I need? I need one of those annoyed smilies so I can post them all over these motherfucking posts. They STILL dont GET IT. Chair is NOT perfect, they're FAR from perfect, this is what makes them grand. Fuck!) But their relationship is torture. First, she wants him to say it, then he wants her to say it. then she says it and he didn't care. later, he says it and she didn't care. It's so exhausting. (Things that last are never easy and magical.)

B and N looks adorable together. (.... I'm looking SO annoyed right now I can't even tell you.) And i loved the last scene of s1 ep 10, when b and n made love, it seems they shared something deep. (yes. DEEP. Very. As deep as this entire thought.) Whenever Blair loves, she loves deep. (....) But nate doesn't seem like he feels deeply for anyone. (.... I can't even say anything cause I'm laughing too much) Whenever a problem occurs, he moves on to the next girl and doesn't try to work it out. (and she's STILL conflicted. I mean... I'm baffled)

judge not the COVER... maybe a little bit

NEWSBREAK: TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN ON THE GOSSIP GIRL MARKETING DEPARTMENT AS THEY HAVE RELEASED THE COVER OF THE NEW SEASON 2 DVD COLLECTION. OFFICIALS HAVE CONFIRMED THAT THE ENTIRE STAFF WAS HIGH ON KOOL-AID AND SEVERAL ARREST HAVE BEEN MADE. MORE TO COME AT ELEVEN.

So. For the casual person who runs into our DVD at Target they can deduce the following information about Gossip Girl in general. For one Dan is in the middle of a questionably triangle between Blair and Jenny. And they say we have no scandal. Serena and Nate shared screentime this season together. Chuck and Hobo-Barista must've been a pre-planned large arc that will have you at the edge of your seat (with a bucket between your knees for the puke) and Chuck at least fondled Nate at one point or another (yes, Nate was confused. But kinda liked it.)

Oh and yeah... my cover came with a little 'defect'. *looks innocent* What?? I have a plan! I bought some markers and will break into Target the night before they're released. Do a favor to humanity and X out Lady Dreadlock's face from the covers. I may even get a humanitarian award! :D

the JOKE's on you

Of all the amusing things we've heard this week, this one takes the motherfucking cake! I mean, it takes it with frosting and all. The publishers have released a new COLLECTOR'S EDITION covers for the books. Re-published with the show's pictures. Now, as all of you know, Nairers pride themselves in pointing out that in the books Nair was THE COUPLE (never mind the fact that he bounced from Blair to Serena to Jenny and back to pot, but you know) of the books. That they've loved them since the books.

Now, here is when the joke comes in. In this new COLLECTOR'S EDITION release the books have 11 new shiny covers.

Nair is featured in exactly ZERO of them. In it's stead Chair, who barely interact in the books, take a total of 4 of the 11 covers. Nate/Jenny (wave to my peeps) share 2 and even NV & NS get one!!! BUT THE 'MAIN' SHIP OF THE BOOKS?? NONE.

I would like to take this moment to LAUGH MY FUCKING ASS OFF.

It gets BETTER. The book in which Nair finally CONSUMES their 'love'... sports a Chair cover. If that's not fucking irony I dont know what it is.

CONGRATULATIONS, publishers. You're OFF the motherfucking KOOL-AID!

in case of emergency - SHOW IT OFF

You know you have to do something drastic to get people interested in your April 27th episode when you say it's THE FINALE though we know it wont be until May 18 when Blair, wearing the SAME outfit, makes out with Charles Bass in front of the Plaza.

Either the marketing department is drinking the Kool-Aid or this is desperate tactic #241. It's a fucking toss up. I'm honestly waiting for the CB pimp posters like they did last year.