in case you didn't know: CHAIR IS COMING!!!!!!! (again)

Those bitches at the studio are doing the impossible to get the viewers interested, aren't they? It's ok, since you sent Buddy TV as the messenger we wont kill them.

So the spoilers are as follow for the finale:

* Before five of our favorites can get their names called at graduation, Gossip Girl does some name-calling of her own: Whore, Coward, Weakling, Insider, and Irrelevant. Guess who's who....


* Someone's unrequited love is revealed... for Dan.


* Jenny gets unlikely competition for the Queen B title from someone who once threatened Blair's own ascension.


* Leighton Meester could be pulling dorm drama double-duty this fall.

And here are our guesses:

• Whore: Nate (and maybe Vanessa if GG gave a fuck about her)
• Coward: Chuck, hands down because really - we all want to hug him and then strangle him
  
• Weakling: either S or B. I'm leaning towards B, if either her riske with Uncle J is revealed or her bulimia. I'll GASP violently either way
• Insider: IT'S DOROTA, BITCHES!! WHAT U GONNA DO WHEN SHE COMES FOR U???
  
• Irrelevant: Dan. Or Vanessa. It's a toss up. Either way, since they're irrelevant I dont care. You shouldn't either. Hence their irrelevancy.
  

Now for the Dan crush:

• It's Nate. Or Vanessa. I mean because if it's Jenny, the only other girl left it's going to get kinda weird. Just a little bit. (and yes, I just called Nate a girl, fucking deal with it)

Jenny's competition? Honestly, I dont give a fuck. Next!

Regarding the last one? It's a joke on 'THE ROOMMATE' the film she's making where she goes psycho on her dormmate. Hence they're calling Leighton NOT Blair. Read people! Because I know half of you are panicking thinking the smelly Hobo will be rooming with Blair and that's not going to happen because Blair will be permanently impaled by Charles Bass come this fall.

And now for my husband's words

Question: Could you please give us some juicy scoop on the Gossip Girl finale? It would really make my day. --Kari
Ausiello: One of the cliffhangers involves Georgina... and Dan, and another Blair and Chuck. Actually, the latter is less a cliffhanger and more a itisaboutfreakingtime. (Real word. No lie. Look it up if you don't believe me!)

OMFG!!??? COULD CHAIR BE GETTING TOGETHER IN THE FINALE????? I WOULD DIE JUST DIE OF SHOCK! My poor Ausi has nothing more to say other than PLEASE FUCKING BRING IT or we will personally march to the studio and bang in the heads of the writers.


Thank you all, I'll be here all week.

prom over LILY

(GOSSIP GIRL SPINOFF (Warner Bros/CBS-Paramount/Alloy Entertainment): As I reported at 2:45 PM today, put a fork in it. It's done. Next Monday's episode of Gossip Girl is a flashback that was supposed to be a tempting taste for next fall's spinoff following the wild teen years of now mom Lily van der Woodsen (played by Brittany Snow) in Los Angeles in the 1980s. But even though I heard Peter Roth loved its yesteryear vibe, the show went from hot, to lukewarm, to "fading but wouldn't count out", to now dead, according to my insiders. I'm really surprised.
source


I mean... let us be honest here. We expected this show to cancel eventually but to get the boot before it even started filming? That just FUCKING PISSES US OFF! I mean - you've CUT OUR FUCKING PROM IN HALF!! So we can see people in really bad outfits?? Whatever, man. Just... another WISE move. These writers have A LOT of shit to fix come next season; matters not where they end this season - they have some SERIOUS fixing to do. It's operation FIX MY FUCKING SHOW, BITCH. STOP trying to shock people and write well developed storylines! The fans WILL watch if the story is interesting not repetitive, ludicrous and generally disproportional. And stop ordering more episodes in the middle of the fucking season so that everyone needs to re-write everything to fit the time because FUCK! & stay off the Kool-Aid, bitches, because that is what happens with fucked up decisions.

end of anti-writers/network rant

no fucking CLUE!

So we got the description for the finale and it's so ridiculously fun that we have to make fun of it! Plus, that's what we do here at the Kool-Aid. We make fun of things. (411, in case you're a newbie)

GRADUATION, GOSSIP GIRL DRAMA AND CLIFFHANGERS GALORE! — Gossip Girl decides to liven things up at the Constance Billard and St. Jude’s graduation by sending out a shocking and damaging email blast in the midst of the commencement ceremony, stirring Serena (Blake Lively) to come up with a plan of attack. The Mean Girls (guest stars Yin Chang, Nicole Fiscella, Amanda Setton and Dreama Walker) challenge Jenny (Taylor Momsen) to throw her hat in the ring to succeed Blair (Leighton Meester) as Queen Bee next year. Lily (Kelly Rutherford) and Rufus (Matthew Settle) struggle to repair their relationship after Lily’s betrayal. As for the cliffhangers, Blair and Chuck (Ed Westwick) finally…and Serena is shocked by…and Georgina (guest star Michelle Trachtenberg) decides to…and Dan (Penn Badgley), Nate (Chace Crawford) and Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) unknowingly….and it all happens in the series’ climactic season finale. Norman Buckley directed the episode written by Joshu! a Saffran (#225).

Ok. Time to guess what the fuck happens. Ready? Me and Cowgirl gave it our best


Blair and Chuck finally…

• Inca: OMFG, this is HARD!
• Cowgirl: I know! Do they finally... learn to drive?
• Inca: No, it's got to be something more. Do they finally fall off a roof after playing around in them so often?
• Cowgirl: Too tragic!
• Inca: Wear flannel?
• Cowgirl: THAT'S IT!!
• Inca: WE HAVE A WINNER!

Serena is shocked by…

• Inca: her sexual orientation!
  
• Cowgirl: that she DID kill someone!
  
• Inca: that her mother's a whore!
  
• Cowgirl: realizing that ALL this time she really loved Nate!
  
• Inca: Aaron reappearing out of nowhere
  
• Cowgirl: fuck, that's scary!
  
• Inca: i know, bad memory. Let's go with she DID kill someone!
• Cowgirl: GASP!

Georgina decides to…

• Inca: fuck Serena!
  
• Cowgirl: holy shit!
  
• Inca: come as series regular and spice things up!
  
• Cowgirl: follow Jesus
  
• Inca: be an atheist!
  
• Cowgirl: scandalous!
  
• Inca: get a Brazilian wax!
  
• Cowgirl: ouch

Dan, Nate and Vanessa unknowingly….

• Inca: HAVE A THREESOME!
  
• Cowgirl: Bake together!
  
• Inca: HAVE A THREESOME!
  
• Cowgirl: Shave their heads AND their chests!
• Inca: (lol) HAVE A THREESOME!
• Cowgirl: Get written off the show!
• Inca: HAVE A THREESOME!
• Cowgirl: All simultaneously develop a crush on Chuck!
• Inca: HAVE A THREESOME!
• Cowgirl: WTF???
  
• Inca: HAVE A THREESOME!
  
• Cowgirl: fine, they'll have a fucking threesome. then she'll end up preggers and we wont know who the fucking daddy is!
• Inca: But at least they're shaved
  

waiting for SHOWTIME

Has your fandom become one HUGE waiting room? You come, you expect it will end, you get a number (mine was 2.22, what was yours?) and then you sit and you wait. You sit next to sick people that make NO sense, you think the world has gone insane but you think you can make it. You can stick it through. Let them just call your number.

So you wait. And you wait. Each minute is more terrible than the rest. But you wait because you have a number. A number means everything.

And when they finally call your number... someone shrinks your fucking head (your hopes).

So yeah. I guess we got a new number now. Back to the waiting room.

a fucking glitch in the MATRIX (aka. creative writing room)

Let us give you all some definitions.

regress; movement backward to a previous and especially worse or more primitive state or condition

repetition: the act or an instance of repeating or being repeated

retardation: slowness in development or progress

HELLO, 2.03 CHUCK! HOW ARE YOU?? OMG, you're even wearing the SAME robe! And fucking random women! OH and Hobo Barista meant nothing to you? You mean it was POINTLESS? OH NOES! And you're even having conversation with Serena! DRINKING THINGS! And Blair is off with another guy! ANOTHER WHITE-BREAD! Damn! Is it October 2008? I feel like a serious deja vu!

in case of emergency - SHOW IT OFF

You know you have to do something drastic to get people interested in your April 27th episode when you say it's THE FINALE though we know it wont be until May 18 when Blair, wearing the SAME outfit, makes out with Charles Bass in front of the Plaza.

Either the marketing department is drinking the Kool-Aid or this is desperate tactic #241. It's a fucking toss up. I'm honestly waiting for the CB pimp posters like they did last year.

it was SAVAGE, in the news with the bad storylines!

I know it's a repeat. You and I know this. Die hard fans know this.

People that watch the show as casual viewers dont. Where are they? They dont know it's a repeat. They should tune in every Monday because they're at the edge of their seats to find out what happens. Then they realize once they turn the TV on that it's a repeat. THOSE are the people you're loosing. No wonder Savage was sent in to appease the situation.

In all honesty, this is depressing. I need like a chocolate covered banana or something.

the good, the bad and the SAVAGE

OHHHHH, you all are FIRED up about this, aren't you? You're DYING for us to tell us EXACTLY what it is that we feel about this now infamous interview. I think we're split here, some of you see it as good, others are MOTHERFUCKING BAD.

So. In all fairness to our lovely readers we have decided to point out the good. The Bad. And motherfucking savage. Shall we start? A special thanks to Korbi, who though is partially inhaling the Kool-Aid we think she was more along the lines of PAID to compliment ANYTHING Vanessa related since the fandom is waiting for V to DIAmotherfuckingF.

Also, before we state ANYTHING can we just first point out that we think this entire interview says one thing and ONE motherfucking thing only: DESPE-fucking-RATE. K?

But I think I'd be risking an internet lynching if I didn't deliver the big news right now. What's the deal with the Chuck-Blair-Nate triangle? Will it be but a blip in the total "Gossip Girl" time line as I promised weeks ago? Well, yes. The short answer is yes. I spoke with executive producer Stephanie Savage on Friday, as many of you already know, and what I took from our talk is, though this Blair-Nate pairing won't go away next week, and you will have to live with it for a time, the two are not exchanging rings.

Gee, Korbi. Thanks! On a side note - on a HUGE motherfucking sidenote. I NEVER signed up for a love triangle. I need to know these things AHEAD of time because I dont do love triangles.

"We are definitely out there [online], kind of listening to what people are saying. We are very aware there is a lot of interest in having the Chuck and Blair story come to fruition... and that’s what we’re thinking about right now," Savage told me.

She must be an avid reader of our column. Actually, no. Someone needs to send her a link so she gets a hard dose of motherfucking reality. This bitch is the Kool-Aid-maker, I'm telling you!

And what exactly does "right now" mean? Well, "GG" season two has already wrapped and when I asked Stephanie to clarify, she did say Chuck-Blair would be a top priority for season three.

Heh! This is when I knew this was a publicity stunt. Because - they ADMIT that they know people are not happy about the current situation the show is in BUT since they've filmed it they have to motherfucking eat it.

So, does that mean Blair and Nate -- What are we calling them now? Nair? 'Cause they stink? -- will be a big part of year two's five remaining episodes? Sounds like it.

Can I say I love Korbi at this moment? Nair BECAUSE THEY STINK!! LMAO! Nothing we didn't deduce from the filming pictures here so it's all the same to me.

"They have a little run," Savage revealed. "I don’t want people to not be invested in that story because I think that when the Nate and Blair story finally ends, people will understand that it was necessary growth for both of the characters. They come out in a different place."

Listen lady. Listen to me well and listen good because I'm about to offer you the most god-honest opinion you will EVER hear in your ENTIRE life. PEOPLE ARE NOT WATCHING WHILE THIS IS HAPPENING. What type of fucking powder are you ON? You want us to ROOT for them? Then FUCKING make it right! Dont just THROW them together after having NO conversations for MONTHS! It's the most moronic statement I have heard from a producer in a long while. This lady is a dunce, god! At least she confirms they will end and for good because this fandom wont stand for Nair part three.

So the lady's got a plan, people. It's all going to work out and, actually, she can even explain the reasoning behind this Nate and Blair reunion and why it makes sense right now (no, it fucking doesn't, bitch, get with the motherfucking program!): "It felt like, given the history that they had -- when we met Blair, her whole story for the first half of the first season was very much about them feeling like they were destined to be together -- it is very realistic. Especially since Blair has been feeling insecure lately -- she's found out that she’s not getting into Yale, her life isn’t going to end up like she thought it would and she’s kind of off the path she'd planned -- Nate offers security, familiarity, and just kind of that nostalgia for that vision of herself that she had as a young girl, wanting to see that come to fruition as high school culminates. This is your high school boyfriend, this is who you always dreamed about finishing high school with. And when that dream presents itself, it’s going to be pretty appealing."

You see, this is ONCE MORE my inherent problem with this bullshit excuse they're handing out like fraternity party fliers on a Thursday night. YOU CANT MAKE ME SYMPATHIZE WITH THEM WHEN THEY'RE SO FUCKING PATCHED UP! YOU CANT. CANT. Is it too much to ask for a well thought-out storyline? Is it too much to expect something that flows? WHY must you give an INTERVIEW in order to make people UNDERSTAND what is it you're attempting to convey? When you have to give an interview and an EXPLANATION then this means NOTHING that you're writing is making sense so you have to take TIME OUT of your busy motherfucking schedule to let me know what it is you meant when you aired it on my fucking TV. THAT is the entire problem. If you, as a viewer, can't see that then you're on the MOTHERFUCKING KOOL-AID, sipping it by the bucket.

Makes total sense to me.

No. It doesn't'. Please refer to the rant above. Thanks!

But for those still worried the show is simply stalling on Chuck and Blair and that "Gossip Girl" will forever avoid a relationship between the two till we hit the series finale, there is more promising news.

When I asked Stephanie whether or not a Chuck-Blair pairing could work without tanking the drama, she seemed pretty confident that it would: "We think we had good success on [our first series] "The O.C.", for example, with the Seth and Summer storyline, where they were really together as a couple for the vast majority of the show. We told stories where they were having issues and they were having obstacles, but in the context of them as a couple. So it’s not necessarily the case that once a couple comes together, they stop being interesting or stop being able to generate story."

I think this is the only part I enjoyed out of the ENTIRE thing. Because it just wasn't as bad. Great. Chair will be written as a stable couple. The question (and I HATE to be the devil's advocate here) is at the cost of WHAT? Storylines? Character integrity? Generalization? Cheap thrills? Take your pick, it's a Monday.

Satisfied? This is all good, no?

Need I answer, Korbi?

And in the meantime, as Chuck has to wait out the whole my-best-friend-is-banging-my-girl storyline, the Vanessa thing will continue for a bit. But Savage explained that it certainly won't have the same resonance as the Blair-Nate situation.

And yes, I know some of you are disgusted by the temporary coupling of Chunessa, but come on, don't you think it's even just a little hot? They come from two completely different worlds and perspectives, they despise each other, and yet they're finding comfort in one another while on common ground for the first time. You can at least agree that this is better than Chuck Basshole chasing after some stupid secret nanny prostitute or whatever that whole thing was, right?

Ok. And here comes the BIGGEST rant of them all. Are you ready for it? Because it's going to get NASTY. Please DO NOT read if even your left pink nipple sympathizes with Vanessa or Chuhobo. WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS SMOKING??? *BREATHES* FUCK! YOU SEE??? THERE IS NO REASON! NO MOTHERFUCKING REASON! THEY GAVE A REASON FOR NAIR BUT THE REASON OF CHUHOBO IS COMFORT?? WHAT??? No character motivation, no explanation, NONE - NOT ONE! Are you all seriously stoned or are you too busy getting head from LADY MOTHERFUCKING DREADLOCKS to see a fucked up storyline if it hit your left eye and bounced off your balls!??? I need to calm down, I swear I'm going into heart failure. And to be honest, MFOTKA (motherfuckers on the kool-aid), I rather Chuck Bass bang EVERY SINGLE GIRL IN NEW YORK rather than his penis be ANYWHERE near that HOBO. He is TAINTED. He is just UGH! I can't look at him this past week because I just see her near him and it makes me want to do un-christian things and I mean that in the bad way.

Also, Stephanie told me she and her writing staff have not forgotten the fact that Nate and Chuck are supposed to be loyal to each other, given their longstanding friendship. Apparently the two boys have a very sweet story which will play out at the end of the season as they "kind of figure out the Blair of it all." That's a direct quote.

I can't. I cant condone this. I can't have CN patched up with a sweet little story of when they were five. It just CANT be. They ALWAYS do this to CN. They 'break them up' and patch them up in HALF a scene. PISSES ME OFF! Fuck you, I dont condone it.

As for the whole Uncle Jack Bass-Blair of it all, the ball was not dropped on that storyline after all and will, in fact, come to full blossom in "Gossip Girl"'s season finale.

*attempts to be calm about this* Look. I'm ok with Jack. Jack was great. He was hot and could actually act. But if we have ONCE MORE a last mine 'let us break up CB moment' in the finale I promise to you on my dog's grave that you can keep your motherfucking show. I swear it. I'm TIRED of it. I want - if only for a while - CB happy. THEY need it. WE need it. THE WORLD needs it. Do it for fucking mankind and world fucking peace, for fuck's sake!

What happened -- and as Stephanie told me, this is some good behind the scenes scoop -- is the writers had originally planned for the big "what went down with Bart & Blair on New Years" reveal to play out in an episode earlier this year. The scene with Chuck finding out was even shot and partially shown in a preview for that episode. But when the producers watched the cut of it, they just felt like it wasn't dealt with properly. It seemed as though an important piece of drama was being rushed through, so they ultimately decided to hold that information back and get a bigger story out of it at the end of the year.

Mystery solved.

I dont know if to be afraid of suck on a Popsicle.

In all. I really am not as mad as I sound. Really, I'm not and the reason I am not is because like I stated in the beginning this is PR. She's doing to the PR for a show whose fandom is up in arms. She needs to come in and put peace to the madness. Sadly, I feel this entire thing may do more bad than good. Thoughts?

the art of walking away and QUITTING

I want to address the emails we've received from people about this blog giving them something to latch on to. That this blog keeps them sane. Well, I think it's only fair that we also come clean and admit that often times we have wanted to walk away from the fandom, from the show.

So, after some consideration I have decided to make a post about WHY it's so hard to walk the fuck away.

You know you've considered it. The fuckery on TV, the coming spoilers, the rampant idiots on the Kool-Aid that make it hell to keep loving the fandom, the distress and the negativity all around - it's VERY disheartening. So the question becomes - when do we get to the point when enough is enough? Many people stated that is was when Chuck and Blair stopped loving one another. As far as I can see they're still very much into one another despite what the coke-inhaling asshole claim. Other people stated when NB got brought back and Chuck was made to see them once more. It's happened and many have gotten up, dusted their boots and left regardless of the outcome. Many more stated that CV was their line. You cross that line and you obviously dont need me anymore as a viewer. I have seen that post been eloquently posted in many boards by people I wish we didn't loose from the fandom.

Everyone has a cutting point. So I've become interested in what is YOUR point of no return. What is the point that will make you turn off your television and walk away? Is there even a point like that for you?

poll by twiigs.com

Tweedlenair and Tweedlechuhobo

In the fact that they compliment one another and because their couples just make it perfect if they were paired I want to address the SICKNESS that has been taking over the fandom. Prior to 2.20 airing there was a total of five CV'ers in the fandom. Mostly EJ'ers who didn't mind seeing their RL pairing on their screen for the sake of being able to make an icon. Now. Suddenly we're bombarded with people just 'LOVING' CV and what I love most about their love is that the majority will post somewhere stating that they also love NB just as much. So it becomes a question of the chicken and the egg.

Which came first? Which came second? Was there first an NB'er who latched on to CV because it keeps their companions away from their couple? On that SAME line can one ask oneself which came first. The EJ'er or the CV'er? These are philosophical questions meant to be thrown out there with no real need for an answer, mind you. It's just to make you think. To make you understand the radical behavior of people. Because people, unlike GG writers, have motives behind them. There are reason we do things, reasons we like things, reasons we believe in things.

So when disheartened by the card-carrying fakers on KOOL-AID just think: little. fat. men.

because Natalie is the new NATE!

Apparently GAWKER is still OFF THE JUICE!!! *HORRAY* WE LOVE you Gawker!

Gawker gets our love today as they bring us these FUCKING-FANTASTIC paragraphs!

Then Bob and Carol and Nate and Vanessa and Whosie and Charlemagne and Magenta and Mrs. Garrett and everyone showed up. What had happened was: Nate broke up with V. because he wanted to. V. said: "Is it someone else?" He said: No. That was a lie! So V. went over to C.'s and they D'd in the A and then he C'd all over her F and then they decided to go to the P together so B and N would be F'ing jealous. It sort of worked, but not really. Basically V. walked into the party and sucked face with C. while B and N were like "The F?" and then everyone walked away.

....

In the park, Blair went walking with Dorota, and was surprised by Natalie. "Oh, Mrs. Blair. I do think I love you ever so much!" Natalie declared. The music swooned and the comically cockney milkmaids cried in the background and that was the end of their snowy tale.

A toast. To not all the media being on the cracking KOOL-AID! Gawker, we salute you!

the importance of being WISE

This was sent to us and it made us relatively sad because there is truth, honesty and wisdom in her words. These are the types of people I fear the fandom is loosing. People who sit back, observe the story and then bring forth analysis on it. The fact is that our show, as intriguing as it once was, is no Jane Austen or Margaret Mitchell. So when you read things like this you realize that WOW - the sanity IS out there it's just that the sanity is leaving. We are not saying that the writers DO NOT know what they're doing but the fact is that NO ONE can deny that stuff is just wonky.

Gossip Girl has become a feint approximation of what someone in the midst of a stunted adolescence thinks the show is. Instead of emulating Edith Wharton, Henry James and Evelyn Waugh, Gossip Girl has begun to reflect pulp fiction. In playing with the idea of being a guilty pleasure, the show has actually become a guilty pleasure. Except there is nothing pleasurable in the destruction of things which should be sacred to any writer - consistency; characterization; continuity; narrative structure. To exchange these things for voyeurism, for flippant, empty dialogue, callous exchanges and capricious characterization, is an act of sabotage.

Would anyone have deemed Pride and Prejudice a great work if Darcy had given up on Elizabeth on a whim halfway through the novel and shacked up with Jane instead? Would Gone With The Wind have held any fascination decades after its publication had Rhett declared he preferred Melanie’s banal charms to Scarlett, despite his previous ardor for and pursuit of the latter? Josh Scwartz and co have destroyed something rare and treated its audience with total disdain and disrespect. They clearly think the chemistry between Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick can be replicated elsewhere. It cannot. This is one viewer who will not be tuning in to watch this massacre.

Let's appeal to all shippers here for a moment, OK? Fairness is fairness and she's inspired us to be fair.

If you love Nate/Blair - you've been seriously jipped. And I mean these for the people who have ALWAYS shipped Nair, not just now because it's what the cool kids are doing and because it's on your screen. These people have ALWAYS loved their NB and most likely always will. You have been JIPPED. Seriously. Your storyline was messed up from the very beginning by making Nate an idiot and Blair a needy person. In S1 after he does COUNTLESS things to her he doesn't notice her or miss her until he sees her happy. Now Blair is always very forgiving of her men, if they come honest to her she accepts their apology and gives them chances, this is her personality trait. So once she's back with N he dumps her once more and proceeds to ignore her and treat her like crap. He hooks up with EVERY OTHER girl on the show, never showing not one inch of interest and in one episode he suddenly wants her. If I were you I wouldn't be elated. I would be MAD AS FUCKING HELL. Where is the development? Where is the grand story? Aren't you the least bit pissed up at them? I mean, you've been waiting over a year for Nate/Blair to even look at one another. This is a sad thing.

If you love Nate/Vanessa - man yours just got FUCKED UP five ways from Wednesday. We all thought they were finally giving Nate a stable girl and he goes from being enchanted with her to dumping her. In like 2 episodes. And let's not even talk about Vanessa because that's another mess that is contrived and out of control. I would also be MAD AS FUCKING hell if I were you. Your ship's been fucked with from one end to another. They pick it up and then they drop it, they pick it up and then they drop it. WTF?? Make up your fucking mind, writers! Give us something to root for!

If you love Nate/Jenny - YOU ALL got screwed over. In the history of Gossip Girl that is surely that most WTF did just happen until CV came along. They had a good thing going on with them in S1, they were friends and we were hoping they would've developed that more but NOOOO, they go like 7 months without talking and suddenly they're running into one another outside bathrooms and sensing sexual tension. W.T.H???? I am APPALLED for you! I mean, I am downright LIVID with you. You DO have every right to HATE Vanessa, but you know who you should hate? You should hate the writers because if I were you I would've rather then never even touched NJ as this stupid plot devise to add drama, waited until NV was over and then bring back the friendship that would've developed into a relationship.

If you love Dan/Serena - WOW, you all were fucked with weren't you? I think the majority of the fandom rooted for you all early S1 and then suddenly people are calling them BORING and STUPID and you're just downright MAD! You HATE this - YOUR ship should get the attention - how DARE they??? You should also be mad because the fact is people ARE right. Their relationship has been turned into a ping-pong of stupidity. I mean, let's list them. Georgie, Aaron, random girls during Summer, ho-bag teacher - the list goes on and WILL go on because the writers just dont know how to handle them so they're FUCKING UP YOUR SHIP. Get MAD at them, dammit!

If you TRULY ship CV, and I mean, TRULY. Like it's not about EJ, or anything like this. If you're one of the three people that TRULY ships CV - I would be mad too if I were you. I mean like REALLY mad. Because YOU are being jerked around for the sake of drama too, you know that what you're watching now is all good but the truth is that you KNOW it's not permanent. You know you'll be fucked with. You SHOULD know this. If you dont... well I dont want to insult you since I've been all civil with everyone else but you know what I mean.

If you LOVE Nate/Serena - man you all are wondering where do you all fit into this. You're wondering why you never got a chance, you're wondering where this is all going. You're like downright PISSED. The thing is that I think the writers will go down this route in S3 but I'm just afraid that it'll be as random and stupid as everything else they've done lately. So yeah. I'd be leery.

And finally Rufus/Lily. You all are not very liked, are you? People dont even often consider your pairing. You're often disregarded and ignored or just plain out cursed out because of endless amounts of reasons. Why is this, you wonder? Mostly because it's all over the place. A moment Lily pushes Rufus away, then she pulls him in, she's always sending him mixed signals and it's always just a mess. However, as much as I dislike this pairing (more like it doesn't APPEAL to me, I should say) I have to admit that the peppering of scenes with conversations here and there mark the one contrast in GG versus the other couples. The one thing I didn't agree with and will forever hold against the writers is how they were written in 2.13. I mean, her husband's funeral and you're running away while your step son is breaking down? Just crazy. Badly done and did not show Lily in a good light. I think by now she's nearly redeemed but there's SO much fandom hate for Lily (not as much as Vanessa, people are literally hunting for her head) but there is a lot of craziness over Lily's actions.

So. In conclusion. What has this fandom in the current UPROAR is the lack of continuity and storyline development. If things were developed nicely, if things flowed with one another, as if part of an intricate well designed plan then people wouldn't be so enraged. Because they saw it coming. But because it's so SHOCKING - hence what they want to create - people are just downright pissed and are leaving for that very reason.

There is a magic in writing and writing foreshadows that follow your story. It's magical to find these as you go back and analyze them. Yet to find nothing is to have nothing and to have nothing is fucking depressing. Storylines should not be created out of need for roadblocks in an immaginary journey that everyone is failing to see. Storylines, good storylines, flow - there's magic to them, there's epicness. It inspires you, it uplifts you - it makes your fandom have LOADS of awesome fanfiction because the inner river of creativity inside a writer's heart stirs and becomes alive with possibilty. So they produce and invent and it's driven by an unexplained appeal that is uncontrolable and obsessive. THAT is good writing. That's the stuff's that dreams are made of. Create magic not mania and you will have a story worth remembering. Worth writing about not worth fighting over.

I can nearly understand why so many people have taken up the Kool-Aid. Everything is just so fucked up that you might as well get fucking drunk. Cheers!

the last TEMPTATION of chair

DEAR MOTHERFUCKERS AT THE CW. YOU WILL NOT MAKE US FALL INTO TEMPTATION!!



So keep your mother fucking KOOL-AID AWAY from us! Heathens! We know what you have under wraps! We know all about your little ploy to FUCK US OVER and shove the 4-minute Nair down our throats! We KNOW ALL ABOUT IT AND WE WONT FUCKING FALL FOR IT.

WE HATE. HATE. HATE. HATE. HATE NAIR and we H.A.T.E CHUHOBO!!

So keep your motherfucking SNEAK PEAKS to yourselves and swallow the low ratings caused by your recycled storyline.

Now. Our FAVORITE time of the day!! It's WANK THE FANDOM TIME!!

What exactly is wrong with Nate spending a lot of time with Blair? He's being a good friend to Blair who's going through a rough time. They ARE NOT dating. It's platonic! It's funny how it's absolutely necessary to trash Nate for being a friend to Blair, just because "Chuck's feelings are hurt".

ME: BECAUSE NATE IS A FUCKING IDIOT WITH A ONE DIMENSIONAL FACIAL EXPRESSION, that's WHY! IT'S ALL ABOUT CHUCK/BLAIR, what are you people on??! Share some!

I'm tired of all the Chuck and Blair drama. Go Nate and Blair!

ME: Go where??? They have nowhere to go! Where are they going? I'm all interested and she gives NO facts!

We're outtie. We've been partying all night and le boyfriend is nekkid on le bed! YIPPPEEE!!

NAIR/CHUHOBO IS AIRBORNE

So. We've come to the conclusion that Gossip Girl is a government program. It's a government conspiracy.

This is in all seriousness. We've made investigative research. First of all they had to reel you in. So they started out by making it THE HOTTEST NEW SHOW! So naturally every kid lacking a plaid skirt it going to want to watch. Every adult still suffering from Felicity & Dawson withdrawals is interested. A HOT new show. What can this mean? How can we NOT watch? Barbie's hair is so bouncy and new! That brunette is a bitch, like all brunettes must be! There's a soulful, cute guy (with a blank expression)! It's based on a BEST SELLER book (that everyone agrees to be crap) - it's money!

So it begins as they watch in their leather chairs as a generation of tech-savvy teens and women in their 20's start the addiction. It begins slowly... you're kinda rooting for Lonely-Boy (LB, enjoy your moment because it's just that A MOMENT) and you kinda dont like Blair and her ability to roll her eyes without Chuck's tongue in her ear (which we dont find this out until you're in S2 and by then on CRACK). So you keep watching. And THEN (and this is the BEST part) you hook up Blair/Chuck and OMFG is born. BECAUSE OMFFFFFG!! Limo-scene was hotter than your shorts in junior high (go easy on us, it was the 90's - not the same thing as the 80's). So by now you're an addict.

You've discovered there's people in the internet also rooting for Chair and though you still like Darena (NOTE: At this point the 'ship was still watchable and you've started daydreaming of shoving Vanessa down a drain pipe) it's Chuck's ability to be a bastard, a bastard in stupid bow ties and the hottest MOTHER FUCKER you've seen in 36 minutes that has you hooked. You want Blair's headbands and you even consider yourself a Queen B in your own little secret way that you only tell a few people. Preferably online.

You with me so far? Ok.

Now. You're bummed because of the STRIKE and when the show comes back it does seem like most people are on the KOOL-AID. Like Serena thinking she killed someone was completely under the influence. ALL THIS TIME you dont know you're about to be FUCKED and in a BIG way. We are defenseless little lambs.

So S1 ends and you think WHY, CHUCKKK, WHY?????

So this is when the government plan kicks in. You dont realize this yet but they are WATCHING. And by they I mean THEM and by watching I mean US. They are WATCHING US. MONTHS! Months we survive off spoilers, speculate about Chuck's mother, camp out in the Hamptons, nearly pass out when the Teen Choice awards roll around. etc. Yes, by now you're hooked and you've got a premiere countdown in your head. You compulsively read fanfiction and chat endlessly about all the ways Chair will be awesome when it comes back and you even ROOT for Nate/Serena because ANYTHING is better than judgy-mc-Danny.

We gobble up ALL the sneak peaks, the stills are released and it's UTOPIA. Or should I say? Chairtopia? THEN the season starts. And right away, if you're a careful observer, you will see we are all part of a giant government plan to see what is people's breaking point. It's all being used for commercial research you see, like the price of gas and how much people are willing to spend until they just CUT SHIT and let loose. This is GG (like Sparta)!!!

So then the roller coaster begins as we desperately try to explain all that happens that makes no sense - like Serena's boobs having stage directions ('and they elevate') or Nate being confused and ignoring Blair and kissing raccoons, and Chuck's throaty whispers of seduction, and Vanessa still being on the show. There's ENDLESS things that make no sense, not even to the writers.

So by now you're TRAPPED. You've gone on meds, you're checking spoilers at 4am, you listen to songs and they all remind you of Chair, you buy headbands, you find yourself weirdly attracted to Ed's greasy ways and JUSTIFY his hair. It's all madness! FUCKING MADNESS. By December you think Chuck/Blair are so in love that you can't see straight. You squeal for no reason, you start caring about no one else in the show, you imagine ways of murdering Lily, you think Bart was not so bad, if he had just hugged Chuck or bought him a purple argyle sweater once in a while he would've been #1 DAD! It's all too sad. And you SOB like an idiot when Chuck shows up in Blair's bedroom and you download the animation of it and watch it over AND OVER until it's embedded in your brain and you think this STORY IS EPIC! (you ignore pics of LADY DREADLOCKS and her slave because the thought of them together is visual Ipecac)

.... and then you quickly realize, as the new episodes come and pictures in the snow are plastered all over the Internet by EMOTIONALIST MULTI-SHIPPERS (yes, we still HATE YOU), that something is... off. But you try to stay calm. It's all for the greater good. Life will make sense once more. It's ok. It'll be no big deal. Like Jack. That came, scandalized and vanished into a cloud of cleverly edited promos... it'll be OK.

And now it's today. And you're like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE FUCKING WORLD, HAVE YOU ALL GONE MAD. Why is the Kool-Aid gone, BITCHES? IT'S BECAUSE WE FUCKING DRANK IT, that's why!!

So now we need anti-depressants, anxiety medication, pot, enemas, more sick days. You name it, we need it. So now you're asking yourself 'can I do this? can i watch it? why am i doing this to myself?'. It's a government conspiracy. They want to know how much a human being can stand, how much can they SUSTAIN before they just CUT SHIT. Just all out march to JS's door and STRANGLE the man as you ask him OVER AND OVER 'HANG IN THERE, MOTHERFUCKER, HANG IN THERE????!!'

So what do we do now? Now that we know we're in some sort of TANK. As they watch us. See us panic. Consider breakdowns. As they prowl the Internet enjoying our little bouts of tantrums. What do we do now? I dont know about you but all I can do it cut out LADY DREADLOCK'S head from recent pictures and paste Leighton's (all hail the queen!) head instead. That's right. I'm already in the FUCKING TANK. Fucking FINISH it. Now... I wonder if the boyfriend would mind a purple suit....

NOTE: this is not meant in anyway to encourage you to watch the CRACK-SHIT on Monday. I fear Nair/Chuhobo-love to be airborne and the one part of the experiment that has gone wrong.

invasion of the BLOG snatchers!!

So someone sends us this link. WHEN YOU KNOW WE'RE FUCKED. And we've come to the realization that it's quite possible that the writers of this ridiculous show we're sickeningly addicted to dont know their heads from their asses.

There are some tell-tale signs of this menstrual fuckery. One. You have to post a blog to pimp up the storyline that 90% viewers HATE (I'm ignoring you, you multi-shippers, we HATES YOU) and two the person you send to write this liquid crap doesn't know what the HELL they're doing. Henceforth we might be very well be fucked. And fucked in the way Lloyd likes to be fucked.

Let us explain something to these turtle heads over at the fine CW network. WE DONT LIKE NATE/BLAIR. Never have. Never will. Congratulations, you're ALSO drinking the KOOL-AID! Thank you. Have yourself a fucking fantastic day!

x-fucking-o

Now. Who votes for Nate to be gay next season?? Breathe if you agree.