the good, the bad and the SAVAGE

OHHHHH, you all are FIRED up about this, aren't you? You're DYING for us to tell us EXACTLY what it is that we feel about this now infamous interview. I think we're split here, some of you see it as good, others are MOTHERFUCKING BAD.

So. In all fairness to our lovely readers we have decided to point out the good. The Bad. And motherfucking savage. Shall we start? A special thanks to Korbi, who though is partially inhaling the Kool-Aid we think she was more along the lines of PAID to compliment ANYTHING Vanessa related since the fandom is waiting for V to DIAmotherfuckingF.

Also, before we state ANYTHING can we just first point out that we think this entire interview says one thing and ONE motherfucking thing only: DESPE-fucking-RATE. K?

But I think I'd be risking an internet lynching if I didn't deliver the big news right now. What's the deal with the Chuck-Blair-Nate triangle? Will it be but a blip in the total "Gossip Girl" time line as I promised weeks ago? Well, yes. The short answer is yes. I spoke with executive producer Stephanie Savage on Friday, as many of you already know, and what I took from our talk is, though this Blair-Nate pairing won't go away next week, and you will have to live with it for a time, the two are not exchanging rings.

Gee, Korbi. Thanks! On a side note - on a HUGE motherfucking sidenote. I NEVER signed up for a love triangle. I need to know these things AHEAD of time because I dont do love triangles.

"We are definitely out there [online], kind of listening to what people are saying. We are very aware there is a lot of interest in having the Chuck and Blair story come to fruition... and that’s what we’re thinking about right now," Savage told me.

She must be an avid reader of our column. Actually, no. Someone needs to send her a link so she gets a hard dose of motherfucking reality. This bitch is the Kool-Aid-maker, I'm telling you!

And what exactly does "right now" mean? Well, "GG" season two has already wrapped and when I asked Stephanie to clarify, she did say Chuck-Blair would be a top priority for season three.

Heh! This is when I knew this was a publicity stunt. Because - they ADMIT that they know people are not happy about the current situation the show is in BUT since they've filmed it they have to motherfucking eat it.

So, does that mean Blair and Nate -- What are we calling them now? Nair? 'Cause they stink? -- will be a big part of year two's five remaining episodes? Sounds like it.

Can I say I love Korbi at this moment? Nair BECAUSE THEY STINK!! LMAO! Nothing we didn't deduce from the filming pictures here so it's all the same to me.

"They have a little run," Savage revealed. "I don’t want people to not be invested in that story because I think that when the Nate and Blair story finally ends, people will understand that it was necessary growth for both of the characters. They come out in a different place."

Listen lady. Listen to me well and listen good because I'm about to offer you the most god-honest opinion you will EVER hear in your ENTIRE life. PEOPLE ARE NOT WATCHING WHILE THIS IS HAPPENING. What type of fucking powder are you ON? You want us to ROOT for them? Then FUCKING make it right! Dont just THROW them together after having NO conversations for MONTHS! It's the most moronic statement I have heard from a producer in a long while. This lady is a dunce, god! At least she confirms they will end and for good because this fandom wont stand for Nair part three.

So the lady's got a plan, people. It's all going to work out and, actually, she can even explain the reasoning behind this Nate and Blair reunion and why it makes sense right now (no, it fucking doesn't, bitch, get with the motherfucking program!): "It felt like, given the history that they had -- when we met Blair, her whole story for the first half of the first season was very much about them feeling like they were destined to be together -- it is very realistic. Especially since Blair has been feeling insecure lately -- she's found out that she’s not getting into Yale, her life isn’t going to end up like she thought it would and she’s kind of off the path she'd planned -- Nate offers security, familiarity, and just kind of that nostalgia for that vision of herself that she had as a young girl, wanting to see that come to fruition as high school culminates. This is your high school boyfriend, this is who you always dreamed about finishing high school with. And when that dream presents itself, it’s going to be pretty appealing."

You see, this is ONCE MORE my inherent problem with this bullshit excuse they're handing out like fraternity party fliers on a Thursday night. YOU CANT MAKE ME SYMPATHIZE WITH THEM WHEN THEY'RE SO FUCKING PATCHED UP! YOU CANT. CANT. Is it too much to ask for a well thought-out storyline? Is it too much to expect something that flows? WHY must you give an INTERVIEW in order to make people UNDERSTAND what is it you're attempting to convey? When you have to give an interview and an EXPLANATION then this means NOTHING that you're writing is making sense so you have to take TIME OUT of your busy motherfucking schedule to let me know what it is you meant when you aired it on my fucking TV. THAT is the entire problem. If you, as a viewer, can't see that then you're on the MOTHERFUCKING KOOL-AID, sipping it by the bucket.

Makes total sense to me.

No. It doesn't'. Please refer to the rant above. Thanks!

But for those still worried the show is simply stalling on Chuck and Blair and that "Gossip Girl" will forever avoid a relationship between the two till we hit the series finale, there is more promising news.

When I asked Stephanie whether or not a Chuck-Blair pairing could work without tanking the drama, she seemed pretty confident that it would: "We think we had good success on [our first series] "The O.C.", for example, with the Seth and Summer storyline, where they were really together as a couple for the vast majority of the show. We told stories where they were having issues and they were having obstacles, but in the context of them as a couple. So it’s not necessarily the case that once a couple comes together, they stop being interesting or stop being able to generate story."

I think this is the only part I enjoyed out of the ENTIRE thing. Because it just wasn't as bad. Great. Chair will be written as a stable couple. The question (and I HATE to be the devil's advocate here) is at the cost of WHAT? Storylines? Character integrity? Generalization? Cheap thrills? Take your pick, it's a Monday.

Satisfied? This is all good, no?

Need I answer, Korbi?

And in the meantime, as Chuck has to wait out the whole my-best-friend-is-banging-my-girl storyline, the Vanessa thing will continue for a bit. But Savage explained that it certainly won't have the same resonance as the Blair-Nate situation.

And yes, I know some of you are disgusted by the temporary coupling of Chunessa, but come on, don't you think it's even just a little hot? They come from two completely different worlds and perspectives, they despise each other, and yet they're finding comfort in one another while on common ground for the first time. You can at least agree that this is better than Chuck Basshole chasing after some stupid secret nanny prostitute or whatever that whole thing was, right?

Ok. And here comes the BIGGEST rant of them all. Are you ready for it? Because it's going to get NASTY. Please DO NOT read if even your left pink nipple sympathizes with Vanessa or Chuhobo. WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS SMOKING??? *BREATHES* FUCK! YOU SEE??? THERE IS NO REASON! NO MOTHERFUCKING REASON! THEY GAVE A REASON FOR NAIR BUT THE REASON OF CHUHOBO IS COMFORT?? WHAT??? No character motivation, no explanation, NONE - NOT ONE! Are you all seriously stoned or are you too busy getting head from LADY MOTHERFUCKING DREADLOCKS to see a fucked up storyline if it hit your left eye and bounced off your balls!??? I need to calm down, I swear I'm going into heart failure. And to be honest, MFOTKA (motherfuckers on the kool-aid), I rather Chuck Bass bang EVERY SINGLE GIRL IN NEW YORK rather than his penis be ANYWHERE near that HOBO. He is TAINTED. He is just UGH! I can't look at him this past week because I just see her near him and it makes me want to do un-christian things and I mean that in the bad way.

Also, Stephanie told me she and her writing staff have not forgotten the fact that Nate and Chuck are supposed to be loyal to each other, given their longstanding friendship. Apparently the two boys have a very sweet story which will play out at the end of the season as they "kind of figure out the Blair of it all." That's a direct quote.

I can't. I cant condone this. I can't have CN patched up with a sweet little story of when they were five. It just CANT be. They ALWAYS do this to CN. They 'break them up' and patch them up in HALF a scene. PISSES ME OFF! Fuck you, I dont condone it.

As for the whole Uncle Jack Bass-Blair of it all, the ball was not dropped on that storyline after all and will, in fact, come to full blossom in "Gossip Girl"'s season finale.

*attempts to be calm about this* Look. I'm ok with Jack. Jack was great. He was hot and could actually act. But if we have ONCE MORE a last mine 'let us break up CB moment' in the finale I promise to you on my dog's grave that you can keep your motherfucking show. I swear it. I'm TIRED of it. I want - if only for a while - CB happy. THEY need it. WE need it. THE WORLD needs it. Do it for fucking mankind and world fucking peace, for fuck's sake!

What happened -- and as Stephanie told me, this is some good behind the scenes scoop -- is the writers had originally planned for the big "what went down with Bart & Blair on New Years" reveal to play out in an episode earlier this year. The scene with Chuck finding out was even shot and partially shown in a preview for that episode. But when the producers watched the cut of it, they just felt like it wasn't dealt with properly. It seemed as though an important piece of drama was being rushed through, so they ultimately decided to hold that information back and get a bigger story out of it at the end of the year.

Mystery solved.

I dont know if to be afraid of suck on a Popsicle.

In all. I really am not as mad as I sound. Really, I'm not and the reason I am not is because like I stated in the beginning this is PR. She's doing to the PR for a show whose fandom is up in arms. She needs to come in and put peace to the madness. Sadly, I feel this entire thing may do more bad than good. Thoughts?